Reinhard Gouw's Journal

How do I look being like this?


The other added activity is playing FreeJack, an online game that I saw my friend playing, which seems fun 'cause it's all about running and running. I love running! Been a long time since the last time I played online game. It's fun.

Last week I went to FUN, Frateran's Unforgettable Night bazaar, made new friends, went into a horror house (which wasn't really scary. I even wanted to pet the ghost.) and hit a girl (not hitting on her, I actually hit her). Here the story goes, there was a stall there that has a jail, which will keep your friend there for 10 mins if you pay. So I didn't realize when I was having an ordinary chat with my friends, that the friends of my friend paid the stall to catch me. So I rannnn around Frateran like a thief, at first it was fun since I passed all the tall obstacles (read: people) easily, I felt like I should be a real thief knowing that I was good at running and sneaking around the crowd. But then the thought ended the moment I hit a girl and spilled her es campur all over the place. Then I heard a bad word thrown at me. I was shocked too, then I looked at the girl's face and realized it's the daughter of my mom's friend. I was so lucky! If I hit someone else maybe I'd drown myself in a well. Yes, I'm kidding. Then I said sorry and promised her I'd come to her stall. And the running continues. I went around and around.. and suddenly a girl grabbed my hand and the running started again. The girl almost caught me for a few times but I managed to release myself and found a hiding place which is safe! It's a perfect place to stay for a while..and get bored. So I got out and went straightly to my friend's pasta stall and ate there. Overall he's how the chasing went.


Then my friends came but I don't really care if they wanna catch me. I'm with my fettucine. So I don't care. Then we went and see the dance battle and I got caught in the atmosphere so I went in and danced with Garry, Mia, and the other dance folks. Then we went back to the hall and suddenly they put handcuffs on me and I got caught for 10 minutes..which wasn't actually really bad. :| Hey, why did I have to run? Then we wandered around, and watched the SCP and City Warrior dance battle, which made my urges become harder and harder to just get there and join the dance! RRRAHHH! RRRAHHHH!!!! (<--- Werewolf, not dancer) The battle's nice and then there are fireworks in the end. Awesome. Will the time come when my school put up something like this? *_* NEVER! :)




That's about one entertainment night for me. Then only works and works. No more "fire".

I've been realizing that I think about the term "TIME" a lot. Somehow time felt so fast, I feel like just entered highschool, but just a few months again I'm leaving it. And I didn't really put my feelings on the fun parts, I only think about unnecessary things and it sure wasted my time. Now how to get the fun in the last bits? I've been so galau last night and today when I prayed I found the answer. Another life quotes of mine now, "Being LIVE is being productive and innovative." Why do I live if I make nothing? And I really don't want to just pass the last bits of my high school. You know, in school I had a weird freaky company called Cherry Berry, which is a noise factory in class, and a group of dramaqueens. And we're dreaming much these days.
Here are some of our plans:
- Make a video cover for Cherry Belle - Dilemma
- Making an acoustic version of Cherry Belle - Dilemma
- Produce a "sinetron", a real talk and a comedy one
And we have to make it happen! We had the woods, and we just need the fire to light it. I'm hoping I could be pumped to make this happen.. Cherry Berry (God, I'm getting sick of saying this name. haha Feels like I wanna throw my face somewhere.) is the company of mine along the last high school moments, and I'm producing much with them! Yeah.

Here are some of our experimental videos.






Oh yeah, I've been uploading my dance videos with O4 to YouTube too. There's still more and I will upload later.
ReinhardGouw's Channel

By the way I'm selling clothes and sneakers, and I will upload the photos later to a new facebook online shop. Wish me luck for this shop. :)

Really, when we pray anything can happen. Honestly, I've been away from prayer conversations for some times, then when I got back, I had this being productive thought, which is nice and makes my life more worth living. This way I believe, I will be an inspiration and blessing for others someday. Sometimes when we pray we feel nothing or nothing happens but let's believe that there's the time for everything. Maybe not now, but tomorrow. Maybe not tomorrow, but the day after. We don't know. But always believe that the prayer doesn't go for nothing. He listens to each one of the words from our heart. The distance between you and God is only as short as prayer.

It's been about 5 days and I don't want the sweets to end before I wrote this down. And now I'm getting this done! Actually I need to sleep early to cook some energy for a new week. But the thing about a writer like me is, I can only write when the feeling is strong enough.

PD Team Discipleship is an annual event by the senior PD Team. And this year, I'm one of the ones. So, me and Zhenita got to coordinate and arrange for outbond, and so we did. And some of us went to Pacet back and forth, twice. To look for the right place and to go surveying for the outbond sites. Narwastu is chosen, and we had some fun around the steepy woods and hills. Then the day before the H day, we simulated for the outbonds on the wide grasses in front of Carolus.

















And until that day of simulation, I was still feeling that I wasn't ready for the day. It's like stepping on a hung bridge without knowing its strength. Maybe I lack of motivation.

Then the day finally come! Wow. I wasn't ready at my best to face the 3 days of being a nice and right committee. But what could I have done. Trip with a crazy elf and finally Narwastu.
The place feels nice and really natural. And I was starting to act like a committee.

















Nice, right? LOL. Though I still lack of motivation that time. I only knew that I had to enjoy my committee life and get along with the sessions. But then, the first session already hit me. Then the other sessions hit me. Every session hit me. Every worships were a huge hurricane in me, and I hadn't felt it in a very long time.. I remembered last year when there's also PD Team Fellowship 2011, and everything changed me but then I got lost again and things changed back to the way it was.. It was stupid how I couldn't keep the fire in me. All along the sessions here I was getting pieces of words from the previous years..and was wondering how I could forget those boosters.

So what I got along these 3 days trip were vital things for my LIFE.
I got to know that God never left me, no matter how much I sinned to Him. Being fake, mingling with porn and dirty things, letting the "underground side" of me active, dirty and wicked minds, arrogance.. You know, I promised to God that I would stop sinning the same sin maybe a thousand times already, making commitments and things, then I always failed my words. How I played with His feelings.. A sin is a whip on Him. So how many times have I whipped Him? And I know each of my whip was harder for Him than the previous..
I thought my life was done for, that I lived carelessly and aimlessly. I thought it was too late. But here I was told that He doesn't care what binds I am in, God is always ready to hug me when I run to Him. 'Cause He's crazily in love with me. He came to this world not to accuse us, but to save us. Mehn, then I realize that He's too kind, too kind.. And that I was so foolishly foolish to fail Him thousand times.. I'm glad to know that He still waits for me. Really glad.

Then I got to meet Him. It's not by vision, but somehow I felt Him. I felt that He was in me. When the preacher (Ce Valen) told us to search for His vision for each of us, I asked Him "What is it Lord, what is it that You want with my life? Is my life still worth Your vision? Just tell me Lord what You want me to be." Then I had this thought of being a good father for my kid, loving and teaching Him to be a good boy and not being like "me", then blessing other people in my workplace by introducing God to their life. Then I was wondering, was it from Him? Then I asked "Are You here, Lord?" And I felt some kind of wave of kindness down my spine. Then I asked again, "Are You really here? Really here?" Then the short wave came again! God! He was there, though when it's the third time and I asked "Really? Really Lord? Is this really You??" There's no more like a short wave, but I think the first and the second counts. I believe, He was there. :) Like when He taught me things when I watched Narnia or some other things..I felt that He was there. My God was there for me. :)

Then that night we are around campfire, we wrote the bad things we want to throw away. The campfire was hot, that Ce Valen told us that hell is a lot hotter than this. So we wanna be open to Him, throw our sins, our bad worldly things that made us distant from Him, in the fire. Then I thought, "This is the start of my new life. Not the 17th birthday that means I'm mature enough and things. This night I will throw this here." Then I wrote the things that had been haunting my life, including the bad originality of me, and I threw it into the fire..Let them burn in hell, and let my soul be with God. I'm free! I am free! :)



In the last morning, Ce Valen had been telling us so many things about what happened to her life and how Jesus worked in it. And it's awesome. So many horrible thing happened, and it was not just horrible, it's really horrible but God gave her the strength and He changed her life. It was so blessing to hear her life journey with God, and I believe I will have a great journey with Him too. Somehow in the night where the vision searching went, I was also asked in the heart "Will you face bad even horrible things so that your life can be a blessing story for other people, for Me?" I only say "If it's with You, Lord. I will. Anything, as long as You're beside me and strengthen me up." Let Him send me, anywhere. Let me be ready 'cause He's by my side..

The last thing I wanna tell you about this discipleship is that I enjoyed being there with all the committees, the new PD Teams and everyone. Thank God they were there, and I was glad to cry in the presence of God with them, to feel His love together, and that this will not be a mere trip, this will be one of the life-changing moment along my journey! Like the life-changing moment when I managed to slide down the Alladin pole in the committee's room!!! (just kidding!) HAHAHA I felt like a jungle boy then. Here are the pictures















You know, life journey is short. Do you really wanna live to just live? No, for me I don't want to. I want my life to be a blessing, in more general words, to be useful and improving for others. And for that, I'm putting my life in His hand and let Him work on me for His purpose. I believe, His plan is a lot better than my plan, and that I will have a greater adventure with Him. No matter what happens, as long as there's Him, I believe my life will be more than a blessing. Not for me, but for other people, for His love to the them.. I'm gonna seek for Him like a precious jewel, and to give up I'd be a fool. Even if sometimes prayer feels dry, I believe that He always listens and that someday things will be really beautiful..

They say that it's near the end of the world. And you start to feel that there's not much to do left.
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Corinthians 13:8
We don't know whether the prophecies these days are happening or not. What we need to know and assure is that His love is always with us, and the fire of it never dies in us.
Never give up, my brothers and sisters. Seek for Him and never stop, believe that He's always listening, put your life in His hands. Live everyday its best, and never forget that He's always there, always.
I'm not a perfect and maybe not the person fit to write this, but I just wanna share with you what I got, let's try together, to be closer and closer to Him and be a good children.
God bless you. :)

These days to go to sleep early is not really on the things-i-want-to-do list. Since the mid-semester test started I always sleep late and never any early. Last week was the craziest one 'cause everyday I went home late night. After school-PD Team meeting-science lesson-practice/workshop-home. Always like that and my body was screwed up. haha But it's a great week also because of the G12ACE event on Saturday-Sunday. It's the first time GPS is out to public, last Saturday. We hope to meet more opportunities soon! But maybe not for me? Taking a break in the senior year. What I said in the previous year. So be it.

This week was a week where I focused on school. School and the friends. High school is ending soon and I feel like I'm not ready. Everything just feels too fast. I feel like I haven't done this and that, so much things I couldn't catch up. Sometimes I was too busy dancing, or loving, or anything and forgetting to enjoy my high school life. And now a little regret.

So as you can see, this blog's background has turned black, even blackier. Black is more me. Yeah. A little no lead intermezzo. Anyway watch my YouTube channel to see videos of O4 Crew (my school dance crew since 2010) and enjoy! --> Click.

You know, yesterday I watched Final Destination 5 and it brought up something to me. Yeah, the movie gave me chills, a bad chill about death. How will my death be? Well everyone dies someday. You, me, every single human. Will it be hurt or scary or what? I don't actually have to be concerned about that. But thinking about death gave me a hit about life. I only live ONCE. And I realize that there's too much stupid and useless things that I've done. I mean, sometimes I know they're useless but there's not a strong force inside me to cut the rope and move the other way. And if I live like a badass and die, and go to hell and suffer more killing and more massacre for me, no, I don't want my life to end like that. So I had this little passion of starting to struggle to give my best, be a great person to bless people, closer to God, and live everyday like it's the end of the world.. This kind of passion is fragile and it easily subsides. But yeah..talkin' 'bout one chance of living..mehn. We should really try to make it the best one, or nothing at all.

How is love going for me? It's going well. Means: I'm starting to be more able and able to forget that person. I think I had enough and spent my whole high school thinking and daydreaming about that person. Yeah, we had stories but when I see it through it's a weird and too fairytale-ish story which is not really good 'cause I get this thought sometimes that we were only playing and trying to structure our own feeling and everything and that we can't do at all with each others' busy activities and arghh you know that I can't have you with me with an attitude of you that drives me crazy although it isn't right now 'cause my feeling for you isn't really happening anymore and things started to get normal which is nice and so that means the end of the line for us!!!! *INHALES*
Not funny.

Finally I made a 100%(uhh..90?) choice that I'm taking Communication Faculty next year for my university life. It's gonna be Petra Christian University. Unless there's a kind and daring and "supporting" university which provide a better Communication Faculty in other place. I will reconsider and discuss with my family. What makes me a traitor here is that I'm entering Petra but I'm promoting UC to everyone! Yeah, I actually like UC better because of their entrepreneur program, which will lead many young entrepreneur to build Indonesia more to a developed country. And that they build great soul of business for their students. But bad thing is they don't provide a Communication Faculty for me! :( I could take Psychology Faculty but I can learn from books sold everywhere. What's more is that they don't even pay me AT ALL for promoting and convincing my friends to enter! :(:(:( Talking about slavery.

Okay that's all I wanna throw up. Thanks. Adios.
Don't forget to clean up.

27th August was a nice day and I'm grateful that God has given such wonderful friends around.


Early morning, suddenly my lovely siblings came in my room with birthday hat on, brought a candle-lit cake with a smiling face on it and sang the birthday song for me. It's the O4 Crew! And just as wonderful as that, they made my day when I thought it'll be plain. They gave me this great frame of our claydolls, made from our photo we took before the Petra Parade. It's absolutely meaningful for me! Then they told me to wear the hat all day in school with the miss universe-like tag, and drove me to school with shoutouts along the way. That was fun!  I thank you guys. A lot. :)







Then at school there's Ubaya University exhibition and I walked around with the attributes on. The guys made me took photo in every stall of Ubaya with the pose of a marketing. Then after walking around for some time, Hana came and told me about Myra. Along the week Myra acted strange and ignored me because when she lost her cellphone, she found it in my bag. And not just that, I got in some troubles with some of my other friends and felt like the week's a nasty one. So Hana came and fired me up about Myra. Then I said I didn't care. So I walked back to the center of the stalls where Myra came and we had some arguments and all eyes were there. So I just made it clear that I didn't know any single thing about his cellphone and it's up to her what she thinks about me after this. The argument continues and suddenly a cake from behind.. So the complete troubles along the week was their made up! Mehn it's good when I knew and it's wonderful that they care for me by this! :) Love you guys.