Reinhard Gouw's Journal

Hi folks. It's been 2 weeks since I moved to Melbourne. Man. Here I am.

And also managed to did a Valentine mini-Charity. yay!

If you ask me how I felt, I would say it felt flat. I think it might be my unconscious mechanism to not feel sad because honestly? I had a lot of insecurities and anxieties inside. Am I gonna be able to speak english fluently? Cause I tend to stutter when I meet natives. Am I gonna be able to make friends? Am I gonna be able to find some work and buy my own bread? Am I gonna be able to learn how to cook? Am I gonna be able to survive in this whole new country? Mostly because I never lived outside my hometown. So yeah, I didn't feel anything. Prolly because it was too much for me to handle.

The emotions started flooding in around D-2. Man. You don't know how many times I cried alone in my room. Thinking about how I'm not gonna meet Mom, Dad, my Sister, Vodka, Ste, Ipin, Samantha, Jay, Ce Bing, BDC, LM. I'm not gonna spend every Monday and Thursday practicing with LM. And jumping to a whole new world. Shit just started. getting. real. And I was glad to spend the last night having a deep convo with my sister. A thing we almost never did because we're too busy with our own lives. :)

So the day came. My family + Ipin + Samantha accompanied me to the airport. In the airport, my cousin hired a VIP airport service which was VERY convenient. Other than picking me up at the lobby with my luggage, carrying my documents, checking me in....I'll tell you later. So I was surprised that a large number of people showed up!!!!! Honestly I didn't expect it to be that many. Last Minute Street Crew, Devina, Yuli, Hana, Valen, Febe, Ste on video call. Wow. I'm just so fuckin' grateful for them in my life. God is so kind to have given me these wonderful people.

I feel so loved. I feel supported. Not just by coming, they gave me some token of love with positive affirmations and wishes. They made me feel confident. Whole. Content. And I guess it's what I had been needing for this new trip. Thank you so much. I love you guys. (Also from Abel in Singapore transit!)

I will miss everyone and everything so damn much.

Thank you for your faith in me. I hope I can make everyone proud.

*ah, as for the VIP airport service. I had to board the airplane at around 9 if I'm not mistaken, And at 8.50, I was still busy saying goodbye. And when we (me and Chachia, my friend who's coincidentally on the same flight) got to the immigration portal, it was really crowded. I thought it was impossible, but there was surprisingly a private line for VIP services! So we didn't need to Q at all. When the people who were Qing saw us, they're like bitch how'd you get there  

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So that's how I said see you again to my hometown.

Now Melbourne. I guess I've been doing well! Surprisingly.

The first two days were overwhelming for me. Had I not known Jasmine Wirawan, I would prolly have gone crazy. She picked me up from the airport, and has been giving me an essential Melbourne 101! She taught me a lot of things from Myki cards (for trains and buses), groceries, the city, the people, just everything. And I will forever be grateful that you're my day 1 in this city, Min! So after the overwhelming information in the first two days, and spider issues in the house and in my room in the first week.... I guess I'm settling in alright.

Spiders. Let's talk about spiders. They're one of the creatures I get creeped out of. I mean dude, shit's got 8 legs! And there's one in my incubator when I was a baby! (my sister saved me that time, thank you) Anyway. Shit's fricken real here. I've heard before that spiders are easily found in Australian homes. Especially in Summer. So I found a lot in my share house and even my room. There were 10+ of them, dead and alive. I found two crawling on top of my bed. I found one big ass spider crawling under my bed, and on top of my desk. Jesus Christ. But I've levelled up from using broom to tissue to pick the dead corpses. Yay. Now they only pop up once every few days.

Dance life. One word. Crazy. In two weeks, I joined 3 classes, and I got a chance to attend the practice of one of the finest team in Australia. I can feel a huge wave of positivity coming from this dance scene, and I'm really really grateful of how The Universe is leading me. I used to question why I was led to dance full-time in the past 2 years. But now it all starts to make sense. It gives me a lot of opportunity to thrive, to feel confident, even to travel the world. Dance is one of the pillars that built me, and it's one of the very few things that make me feel at home. I promise myself I won't stop dancing and thriving in this passion.

So whoever you are, if you need this. Everything will make sense someday.
Just put your faith in the universe, and believe that it's guiding you to where you should be.

Social life wise, I was honestly surprised that I got to stay me even in english-speaking environment! I read a theory that different languages can create different personalities inside of you. But I guess it doesn't affect my social perks. I can still be the Reinhard who feels bold (and a bit cocky I know) and open for convos. Man, it feels really good to be able to be yourself in a whole new place. I even feel that some of my perks are enhanced here (as the people are not conservative and they are REALLY nice). So yeah, it feels awesome.


Groceries. I hated groceries shopping on my first day when Jasmine taught me. It's confusing. It's something a mother should do. But you don't know how much I fricken love doing groceries now. I would do it everyday. I would do it at midnight. Try me. I. LOVE. GROCERIES. And I'm learning how to cook yay.


So yeah, it's been great 2 weeks! Melbourne is an easy city to adapt to, and the people are nice (yes, I keep telling people that when they ask me. But that's because it's true!). All is well. The only thing that gives me anxiety is that I want to find some work as soon as possible. I had a good amount of saving for now, but I don't wanna be having hard time on living expenses and burden my family in the next months, so yeah. Wish me luck.



Wow, it's a long post! (with a lot of bonus pictures)
There's just so many things I wanna write down. I will try to write more so that it doesn't pile up.

Thank you Universe, for everything.

It's 2019 and I already missed my first goal: Write a blog once a month. Great! I missed writing a post on January. But I'll catch up soon. Believe me, I bet I would write a lot more when I'm there. Because you know, loneliness. Being here with a lot of people is enough to make me feel lonely at times. Can't imagine when I'm there. But then again, I'll survive. I always do.

Having annual resolutions is starting to get old for me. So I didn't really spend time thinking about it. But there is one goal that I've been keeping in mind, that I want to pursue this year.

It's to stop degrading myself.

I finally have the reason to officially announce that I am moving away soon.

We made the payment. In around 2,5 months, precisely in mid February, I will pursue my further study in Melbourne, Australia. It's been the plan since I was still working on my final thesis in UC, and finally it's just around the corner.

I will be studying Communications and Media Studies in Monash University. It's going to be a pressure because other than the global rank, it took quite the expense; and I promise I will work really hard to repay my parents later when I graduate and have a decent career.

Acknowledging that, I assume it will change a lot of things. I might not be able to dance as much as I have been doing in the past 9 years. Dance has always been a huge part of my life. It turned my life around from being friendless and bullied to this bold guy (at least that's how I like to see myself). Dance was the beginning of my confidence, my energy, my friends, my self-branding, and overall, my life. Thus, all this time I've never know how it would be like if I take dance out of the picture. It is scary and truly gives me the anxiety. A part of me is scared of going back to the old Reinhard before he found dance.

Not only that, it will be the first time I live somewhere else on my own in this 24 years of living. Many have experienced it earlier and it intimidates me. I wonder if I will survive financially. I wonder if I will find good companions. I wonder if I will thrive and be "someone" and really do "something" there. I don't want my life to be mediocre after moving. Because my life here, even though I take for granted sometimes, have been nothing short of amazing and magical.

I am blessed to have a good and growing dance life. Chances to excel and thrive. A reputable dance community to grow in. A house and a family to go home to. I have Ipin. Ste. Jay. Cebing. Who I can look for any day when things go either right or wrong. I have some of the greatest and supportive best friends I could ever ask for. Samantha. Abel. And many more.

What awaits in Melbourne is still blurry for me.

Waking up in another city in another country with no best friends and family. With the need to strategize to survive. With the pressure to thrive and excel and build my own life. With thousands of uncertainty.

I guess it is time for me to finally face "real life".

Wednesday, September 12th 2018 |