Reinhard Gouw's Journal

Some time ago, someone introduced me to these couple. They are Chella Man and MaryV.

When we were little, most of us lay our days on our parents' hands, letting them protect us, guide us, place us, teach us everything we need to know. Some of us grow up with abundant love and care, some without. Despite that, we still believe that we're gonna be safe as long as we shelter inside their arms, because they're the ones who brought our existence to life. They're our superheroes.

As we grow up, we start to have our own opinions which sometimes differ from theirs. We start having this little fights, thinking they don't understand "this era", and maybe our opinions are really better. We become rebels. We start trying to do things our own way; lying to them when needed, just to try to go along with the plan. Then the fights become bigger. It becomes the fight between principles, or maybe between "my era" and "your era". We think they'll never gonna understand. But that might not be the worst.

Not all children experience this, but what's worst is the moment you found out that your parents become the person they always protect you from becoming, doing the things they get mad for whenever you even just talk about it, and in the end destroying the belief all your life they've been sharing with you to hold together. That exact second, it breaks you to pieces knowing that they aren't perfect, that your parent isn't that superhero you've believed them to be. that honestly they are humans. Just like us. They're humans who have flaws, who can't stand temptations, who can be a hypocrite at times, who can lose grip of their own words. The other sad reality beyond that is we can't always shelter anymore, we have to find a grip of our own and survive in the wild.

With this post, I'm not hoping to make children hate or question their parents. I also acknowledge that I've never been a parent. What I'm trying to say is maybe it is a false popular belief that we believe in or that parents plant in their children that they're superheroes. Undeniably, parents are also humans; only, they lived longer, brought us to this world, took care and nurtured us. The perks of being humans are that we are learning throughout life. Everyone is still a student of life, differing in ages. To expect too much of parents are to forget that they may also do "things", or the ones we call mistakes. And thus we blind ourselves from the probability of that to happen. When it finally does, we get mad because those expectations are broken.


Maybe it's fair to think they're superheroes when we were little. But there is a time when we grow up to be aware of their humanly flaws, and still love them. Take the good attributes, the strength, and just throw away the bad ones. They are just like us. We don't have to hate them just because our expectations over them are violated. In the end, maybe it's even fairer to see them struggle with their "dark side", and still love them anyway. Above all their horribleness, they gave us a beautiful gift: a chance to be in this complex maze called Life. And that's the reason of the breath you've been taking up to this second.

To parents, or future parents, maybe we don't have to be perfect for our children. We don't have to build those overrated expectations for them. We don't have to hide from them our probability of making mistakes. We don't have to always be an almighty for them to feel safe. Maybe we need to put some layers of our "I'm always right" down, and instead train them to have their own version of "strength" and "right", with the hope that they will be a better person than we are in the future. To tell them that it is normal to be imperfect, that they can still find happiness and satisfaction in life with that condition.


When I have a child of my own one day, I won't force in his mind that the world is a harmless place. I will nurture inside him that the world is not like the ones in fairytales, but I, with all my imperfections will love him and help him get through it. I will tell him that he's a fighter, and ask him to put his trust in this older knight as we walk through life, until he's ready to become a knight of his own life.

No wonder people who the religion considers as sinners hate religions so much.

The so called divine judgement. Some people in the world of religion, the ones the society consider as "high" people dare to talk about things they don't understand. They bring up one case, contemplate on their religious books for it, and make preachings out of it. OK, I believe they've been praying for it. Maybe it came out of the divine world. Maybe it's from The Above. But what if the preachings start to judge the people they call sinners in a terribly wrong way?

The day before yesterday I went to a church and the preacher talked about the LGBTs. The preachings were supposedly OK as he was trying to build awareness in the people about the easiness of LGBT spreading in this globalization era. But honestly, I don't like the way he talks about LGBT. It's like they're not human, like they are not a part of the community. So he was saying jokes about them, making fun of them. The people laughed. I think that's not funny at all. If he knows that LGBT is now easy to find, why not consider they are in a part of the church and watch his preachings carefully? What if they heard themselves being made fun of, feel humiliated and isolated from the so called normal people? I think the church won't make such "healings" on LGBT if they keep doing this. LGBTs are humans. Not objects to be made fun of with judgings. They hear, they feel.

The other things that I feel wrong is that the preacher keeps giving facts that is false. He keeps giving datas that are not correct.
First, he says that LGBT is patently a product of the society. Don't leave your children out there unprotected and unwatched. That this era is so wrong. That it is even wronger that they foolishly fell to the deep dark space. Well from what I learn in psychology, mostly it is from the parents' way of developing the child. I think no one chose to be LGBT when they start their life. It could be from society, but it can also be caused by their parents. So who is to blame? Them for falling to the society? Why not considering that they are just a victim of wrong education that needs to be guided? Why make fun of them like it's all their fault.
The other thing that got me shocked is that he, loudly and boldly said that "THEY ARE NOT LIKE US". That moment, I disrespected the preaching instantly. He said that they are not normal, that they kill when they get jealous. Their emotions are magnified. Well what do you think they are, monsters? The LGBTs are normal humans and not included in the DSM, psychological book of mental disorders. They are just like us. They talk, act, think, feel like us. Their difference is only that they are attracted to the same sex. And I believe that this is what made the bad stereotyping of the society about LGBTs since the first time. "High" people creating those judgements. If the religion think it's a sin, well then guide them not to do that. Don't work on them like they are part of some curse. Just because they do a different type of sin that is attached with stupid paradigms created by some judging forces, doesn't mean they're monsters. Sins are sins. I believe they should be treated the same way.

The impression that I get is, the religion is judging too much without knowing the truths. I think those prejudices don't make things get better, they will only make the people they judge run away instead of listening. The worse is when the "high" people lay out wrong facts about something, saying it's divine knowledge. Well when it turns out to be wrong facts, it can really hurt many people. And this doesn't happen only to this LGBT example, maybe it happens to many other types of sins. If you know nothing don't judge anything.

I don't hate religion. I hate the way some of those "high" people works. "High" people maybe are chosen, but that doesn't mean they are perfect. Take the good, leave the bad. That way also you won't get disappointed too much if they make mistakes. They are humans. Being religious doesn't mean being a good human. Stop correlating religion to human values.

A lecturer said to me, religion and faith is two different things. In the end, it's between you and God, never between you and them. I agree. For me, I prefer to work on my faith. My personal relationship with The Above.

Well I'm not a religious type of person like I was. It's just me and my opinion on this happening case right now. We all have our own.