Reinhard Gouw's Journal

Tomorrow I'll enter the first day of the last semester in university. Wow. Time flies. It's been a nice journey. The first three years were awesome. I got to know a lot of people, I achieved many things I've never expected before, bonded with some valuable friends along the way. Well at least those moments were great. I never regretted entering Universitas Ciputra. Despite of people's comments about it being an easy university, a money-oriented university, and things, I learned many great things here. The organization life in Universitas Ciputra was quite new. The competition isn't that rough to be a member of organization or committee. That gives us greater chance to be leaders and from-zero-builders. I never joined any serious organization in high school, but here I got the chance to strive and given high responsibility. That boosted my organizational skill and confidence a lot. Thank you UC for a great organizational life.

Well that's a little intermezzo about UC. How's my life?

It's a picturesque question.

It's a weird beginning of the year. On January, someone who I considered an enemy died unexpectedly. I was just cursing him the other day in my anger, saying that I'd kill him with my own hands if I had the chance to. And then the next day he died, of an illness. The news of his death stunned me. The first regret that came into my mind was that I never got the chance to meet him in person and punch him in the face. The second one is that cursed him without even knowing he was that sick. I searched for his life record in his Facebook. People were saying good things about him, they were even inspired and blessed of his life. He might be an antagonist in my life, but he's not in others'. I don't know why, but I hoped that he'd be forgiven by God. I hope that aside of the bad things he had done that affected me and my closest people, God would consider his goodness that blessed people. I don't want to think any further.

My family? From what happened earlier, my family should be on the starting over phase. It lighted up my hope a little that the tragedy brought positive meaning. But so far, it's still blue. I've been seing despair, anger, rejection, and shut offs. Does it affect me psychologically? Honestly, I don't know and I've been hoping it doesn't. I still want to be a bright and positive someone. This phase of starting over was a stake for me to latch and step onto. I'm looking forward to slowly climb back to who I should be. Well, in the end, I think that we're all still recovering. Each of us are wounded, and wounds don't heal in an instant. We're recovering, and who knows how healthy we can be in six months? A year? Let's just see.

I'm graduating soon. What do I do after that? Honestly, I don't know for sure. My mom told me to pursue postgraduate scholarship overseas. It's a really good idea for me to start over. To look for strength for myself to believe again in a bright-futured me. I think while I wait for the departure date (if I pass the scholarship test), I will work somewhere in event management field or as a dance teacher. Well, I hope that I get the scholarship. Starting over sounds just perfect for me.

Source: blog.jiji.nj

I realized that since I was little, I overrated perfection too much. I would be passionate in starting something, but when that something went just a little off of the original plan, I'd lose my spirit drastically. That also happened to little things such as playing games. I'd restart a game if I did something wrong, even though it's repairable. I'd also be upset if I made a little stain when writing in a new notebook. I think it pictures enough how my mind works. Starting over is something I yearn for because I've been seeing too much stains in my life lately.

My 2016 goals? Well it's been going quite well I think, though I haven't been able to accomplish some points, I still feel good.

- I joined a bodybuilding course. Even two to be exact. Punch MMA and Celfit. I've been in love joining TRX classes. Well I hope before I (again, if I pass) spend my education time overseas, my body is well-looking enough to fit in. Don't wanna be a short fat geeky dancing guy on the corner of nofriends.

- Reading a book and watching dance videos are still not on the top of the list but I promise myself I'd make it happen soon.

- Sleeping well is still on learning stage.

- Achieve high GPA, well would you believe. Aside of final project, I'm taking two other classes that I already took before, just to repair the score and jack up my final GPA. Sounds crazy, right? Yeah, I think I'm too obsessed with my GPA. But I planned to make university a satisfying one-shot. So I don't want to be sorry in the future just because I didn't go the extra miles.

Well I think that's that.

I hope tomorrow I can start fresh and be a better man for my future.

Spirits up!