Reinhard Gouw's Journal

It's an hour to new year.
 2011.
It's been a year full of great things, I learned so much things this year. I got to know God, and my self more too. Much love of Him has been popping and showing in my life.

One of the things I learned this year is that everything changes constantly. Environments, people around you, even yourself. Might not realize it, but we have our resolutions day by day. We're getting mature and mature, we start to learn how to avoid being bad. We learn our friends better. We do our talents better. These changes keep happening, 'till the end of our life. There's a quote saying, "The only thing that remains constant in this world is change."

For me, I have some resolutions for next year:
1) Give a time for God everyday, and always put Him on the first line before everything.
2) Workout routinely
3) Nicely arrange incomes and outcomes
4) Stop pleasing my lust
5) No overuse in computer
6) Sleep well

Some hopes as well.
Next year I'll be entering university life and I hope I will have a great life there and be blessing for everyone.
I hope I will be able to always control my emotions.
I hope I won't mess up like I always did these 3 years.

You know, if you got the chance to read this post, and realize that you're breathing; It means that He still has His work to be done on you. It means that you still have the chance to fix everything, to be a better person. It means mercy. It means He still considers you as a special one, that the world you're living in still needs you. People around you needs you. He needs you for His amazing plan for your life.

What do you plan for 2012?
All this time, it's this one question: Have you been living, or simply existing in this world?
We only live for awhile.
It's been 17 years for me and now, I think to live is to inspire.
Generally, we live to fulfill God's plan in our life. How do we know what His plan is? Search for Him, live to be close with Him. Spend a sharing time each day with Him. He doesn't need you to be praying 3 hours or more. He needs you to remember that He's beside you 24 hours a day, and you can talk to Him whenever you want. He is always there for you.

The world may offer greater and greater fun as the time passes, it's good, but not everything is useful.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. - 1 Corinthians 10:23
Doing fun things without purpose is time wasting.


For 2012, let's try to remove our bad habits, clear our sins, and let's LIVE.
This year was awesome. Let the next year starting be double awesome.
May you have a new chapter, and that*your life be renewed. May you share joy always with your family, friends, and yourself.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!

God bless you.

You can ask anything about me. :) http://www.formspring.me/ReinhardGouw

It's the day in the year, the day of His birthday!

This is the first time for me to spend Christmas in another country, and in a Chatolic Church. Just an info, I'm a Christian, while my cousins are Chatolics, and our family's spending Christmas holiday with them so we followed them to the church. So, we went along with the religious service.

Started with worship songs, 15 mins before 25 December.. Then I suddenly cried, There was His presence there. I was glad that I was able to worship and come to Him. In my mind, "God, I am an awful sinner, a really awful one. Yet You are always there to forgive me, let me down your feet, call me Your son, and even love me.. You really are kind, Lord. I'm glad to have You as my Father, and I know that You are always with me, it's just that most of the time I ignored You. I'm sorry Lord for forgetting You through the day and put You aside. Thank You for still letting me feel Your presence and having You as my Father.."

Then I felt sorry that I didn't event really care about Christmas, all along the day I didn't even thought anything about the real Christmas. Just then I realize that it's the birthday of my Father. And I haven't prepared anything to give Him. "What should I present to You, Lord?" I couldn't take myself to commit anything, I was afraid I would disappoint Him, like I always did.. Then I just say, "I give up my arrogance to You, Lord. I give up my dirty minds, I give up all my sins to You. Sorry for being a burden in Your born day, and I'm putting my life in Your hands." That's all I could give, I don't have anything else..I'm just a sinner.

I had this thought, that this could be the last christmas, not just because all the bad prophecies on 2012, but any Christmas could be. He's really coming anyway.. I wanna be close to Him before the time comes. And I wanna get my dear ones to be close to Him so that they won't get lost, before it's too late. I hope that I won't mess myself up too..

World, thank Him for descending to this dirty place just to LOVE you, and for sacrificing Himself over to the pain of being crucified and humiliated. It's His birthday and let's give our best gift to Him, our LIFE. No more playing fun with this world, the time is not long anymore. Be sure You are in His hands when it all ends.

Merry Christmas, everyone!
Sorry for the serious talk but for me it's real talk, mate.
Hope we have a wonderful Christmas with everyone daring to us, and have a new chapter for the next awesome year. May our days always be bright, and JOY AROUND THE WORLD, unexceptionally! Rich, poor, bad, good, everyone.
The Baby King loves you! :)

Our personality shows who we are, and we often think that we are born with it. Or "Born This Way". No, actually it is made out of our daily basis. How we let our self do or feel something, will eventually create something out. It is how we respond to the things we face.

"Action turns into habit, habit turns into attitude, attitude turns into character."

We can create our self. Before you take an action, especially bad ones, stop a while and think. How do you feel if you see other people do that action? Do you want to be that kind of person in the future? If it is leading you to a bad personality, force yourself to stop. It is hard since our feeling is strong enough to make us do so, but actually it is NOT impossible to control our feeling, it's just hard.

Character is easily build when we were a kid, 'cause it's a phase where we absorb just about everything to build our mind. As human ages, his personality is hardens. While we are young, we can still build this personality of ours. It is part of searching who we really are.

Confession time. Here's a short story that makes me learn this.
These last 2 days I was extremely busied by some works. Arranging my high school farewell, shipping some goods, etc. And I was doing them all alone. I thought I had narrow time because I'm going to depart to Australia today. So along the days I was a touch-and-die machine. I was acting like this super busy guy. I talked with my family like I have no time for them. Then I thought to myself, was I really that busy just to have a friendly chat and with them? I remembered that I didn't like this one figure, someone close, he is always treating others ignorantly when he's busy, and easily gets mad. I realized that I was copying that person. If I keep letting myself act like that, I will turn exactly into that someone in the future.

The key is just to stop and think. Don't let your emotions and environments control you. You have the hold of yourself, and you're the one who makes you who you are in the future. Be sure to make it a great one.

Each person has their own portion.
We cannot make demand.
All we can do is do good things, make people happy.
It's not about the material.
It's about..love.
Not how much you wanna give, but how willing you are to give what you have.
Not everyone is born rich.
But it is certain that everyone is capable to spread love, be blessing.
Life isn't for our self.
Life is about finding the method to bless other poorer people, in material, and in soul.
How much are you willing to give?
How much is your value of life?
How many people can feel God's love through you?

A change on my future path happened about a month ago. When I was busied by UC Sense Dance Competition. By the way O4 got the 2nd place thanks to Him! We didn't thought we'd make it, 'cause it's not one of our best performances but God works so strangely that this was the result.
Here's the preliminary vid.. O4 at UC Sense Dance Competition - Prelims.
No more thinking and questioning, it's just one of His miraculous gift for us! :)

Back to the title, so it was about my next stage of life, the university life. I already chose Petra Christian university, in Communication Science major. Then, in a lazy night on Friday, mom said that UC called to offer a scholarship test. I ignored it till the next day. Then my friend told me to just try, at least trying would let me know how far I could achieve. The test was an essay test, writing about business idea, and how it brings the effect of psychology in it. Then the scores would lead to 3 results, grade A, grade B, and C. My mom and I made a condition. If I were able to achieve grade A, which means score above 90, I would enter UC. But if I got grade B or below, I would enter Petra. So on Saturday night, I called UC and registered for the test on Sunday morning.
Sunday morning, 5 a.m. I just got started to think about the business idea and noted them on my BB. It's a very long writing, about an oldie and vintage cafe & beauty, + a rehab. Then I was super ready. So I went to UC and at 8, the test began. The test wasn't exactly as I expected. It was to write three parts of writing, about the idea, the superior points of the idea, and the use of psychology in it. I started to get pessimistic about my writing, 'cause I should write it all over again in three parts! I should change the arrangements, and the words I used wasn't as perfect as the first writing on BB. The rule set that it should be about only one business idea. I had two right, a cafe and a rehab! Then I didn't care, I wrote things about the rehab on the back of the paper. And I asked the the tutor if the result could come out before 12 o' clock the following day, because I should pay for Petra before the bank closes at 3! He said the result should come out in a week, he couldn't promise to have it out tomorrow. Perfect.
I said to God, "God, the test wasn't as I expected, and the result actually should come out in a week. Now I leave it in Your hands, whatever the result is and when it comes out..You're the One to decide my path this time."
Then just the next day.. Suddenly a text from mom, saying congrats and humoring about setting up a party that night. Then another one from UC, saying that I got grade A!!!!!!!!! MEHN! It was a shocking and euphoric moment for me, 'cause I got to make my parents proud, make me proud, and mostly, that because it's an answer from GOD! I believe He's planning something BIG for me there. :)

You know, I asked God to help me choose my university since July. And no real tough answer in me. I thought it's always gonna be me to choose for myself. Then suddenly, an answer just in few days..that's freakin' awesome. And what I just realized is: 1) The idea of vintage cafe is from Kopitiam, a cafe where my mom took me to just a week before. 2) Preachings at church, just a few weeks before, after a long time I hadn't gone to church. Coincidence? No. I believe it's only one of His handworks for this answer.

What I learn here, is God answers your prayer if you keep believing and don't stop praying. Even in the last seconds.. He'll do. And when you get that answer, it will feel extraordinary, 'cause it's God's answer, and that you get to know that it's His plan for you..His plans are absolutely amazing for sure, He's a daring God and Father anyway. When you know that He arranges your path, you won't be afraid to get lost anymore. He's walking with you in every steps of the way as long as you hold on to Him. He's just all wonderful! :)






     UC, I'm coming your way!

This is gonna be a slightly a post scratching deeper about me. I'm gonna be using an other term about the story, though. Not the real term. I only share it to my close friends.

Sunday, I went to my church after a long time our family hadn't gone to church routinely. And the preacher that day really hit me. And I mean REALLY hit me. It's about me. No, the illicit side of me. (Illicit is kinda high word in English, and I'm using this to make the post cooler! haha just search on dictionary.) Yes, I sat there inside the parishes, with my mom and dad and my sis beside me, who knows about this side of me, only a little but it's super enough to make me feel so awkward. I never felt that so awkward before in church. 'Cause the "race" that the preacher was preaching about to all the parishes, is about my "race".

Suppose I'm a vampire. (Wow, too much watching TVD?) As a human, I should eat proper human foods, but I'd rather drink human blood. I can still eat human foods though, but now I still can't get any starter to it. My urges still kills me to eat human blood. And it's what I've been fighting all this time. I fall, get up, nearly fall, hardly getting up. Sometimes, back then, I thought maybe it's my line. Maybe this is what I should be walking on. But the preacher kinda convinced me, that this is not anyone of this race's line. It's not even a race.

Maybe I have the urges, the huge temptation to drink human blood. But it's not in my gen. No one's born with this race, neither turned into it and stay there forever. It's only mind and flesh urges, that is created through some past experience and most of it is lonely or thrown away feeling. Get my memories back years ago and it matched the criteria. Anyone in this race can fight it. Fight the strong urges and try to neutralize the mind and heart. The preacher said that it's better not to eat anything for the rest of my life than to drink human blood. (This is in my language/fancy term, the preacher didn't really say anything about human blood, really. haha) Drink human blood and and life will be screwed.
He also said that the world is now conditioning to make this "vampirism" normal. That everybody starts seeing it like a normal thing. And it's really getting huge amount of people into it.. Almost everywhere, almost in every community, there's this vampire. You can't pass a day without meeting one. Even the closest friend of yours, even the people who laughs beside you everyday.

And there's really an "underground" crowd for that. That only we can see the nets. There's mass amount of these "vampires" in this city. Active or not.

I can't deny that I'm one of them, and I'm trying to fight the urges. You know, it's hard to reject yourself, a side of you. Removing a part of you that's actually a mindset.. Fighting your own flesh and nature. Some of us, even one of my closest ones surrendered to this nature. I'm not going to. I'm fighting this. I still fall sometimes, but I believe the time will come for me to meet the urges of eating human foods. Like in TVD, they train their self to fight the urges, and subsiding it, and they finally can. Unless when they let their self gaze the blood for too long. Like the preacher said, if you get a glimpse of this blood, you should just look away. Gaze it too long, messed up.

The urges give us comfortable feeling, 'cause it seems like accepting ourself and living our life the way it is. But it's not like that, it means living an underground life and why should live underground if you can fly high? It's hard, but hard isn't impossible. We human search for our comfortable grounds, but as we try to get up and run..someday we'll meet our targets. Believe that we're not born this way and that things will turn beautifully if we fight enough. He will later give the best for us if we try our hardest to run from this dark nature. I'm not over this urges, I'm just sharing what I believe to you guys.

To some of you, who I believe understands what this term 'vampirism' implies here and experiencing it. Let's fight together and I believe that we can change. Don't wanna live being this vampire. Chase the right life track, and live to the fullest. The only real life we could find is through Him, not through being our full self with the illicit side. Good luck. :)

How do I look being like this?


The other added activity is playing FreeJack, an online game that I saw my friend playing, which seems fun 'cause it's all about running and running. I love running! Been a long time since the last time I played online game. It's fun.

Last week I went to FUN, Frateran's Unforgettable Night bazaar, made new friends, went into a horror house (which wasn't really scary. I even wanted to pet the ghost.) and hit a girl (not hitting on her, I actually hit her). Here the story goes, there was a stall there that has a jail, which will keep your friend there for 10 mins if you pay. So I didn't realize when I was having an ordinary chat with my friends, that the friends of my friend paid the stall to catch me. So I rannnn around Frateran like a thief, at first it was fun since I passed all the tall obstacles (read: people) easily, I felt like I should be a real thief knowing that I was good at running and sneaking around the crowd. But then the thought ended the moment I hit a girl and spilled her es campur all over the place. Then I heard a bad word thrown at me. I was shocked too, then I looked at the girl's face and realized it's the daughter of my mom's friend. I was so lucky! If I hit someone else maybe I'd drown myself in a well. Yes, I'm kidding. Then I said sorry and promised her I'd come to her stall. And the running continues. I went around and around.. and suddenly a girl grabbed my hand and the running started again. The girl almost caught me for a few times but I managed to release myself and found a hiding place which is safe! It's a perfect place to stay for a while..and get bored. So I got out and went straightly to my friend's pasta stall and ate there. Overall he's how the chasing went.


Then my friends came but I don't really care if they wanna catch me. I'm with my fettucine. So I don't care. Then we went and see the dance battle and I got caught in the atmosphere so I went in and danced with Garry, Mia, and the other dance folks. Then we went back to the hall and suddenly they put handcuffs on me and I got caught for 10 minutes..which wasn't actually really bad. :| Hey, why did I have to run? Then we wandered around, and watched the SCP and City Warrior dance battle, which made my urges become harder and harder to just get there and join the dance! RRRAHHH! RRRAHHHH!!!! (<--- Werewolf, not dancer) The battle's nice and then there are fireworks in the end. Awesome. Will the time come when my school put up something like this? *_* NEVER! :)




That's about one entertainment night for me. Then only works and works. No more "fire".

I've been realizing that I think about the term "TIME" a lot. Somehow time felt so fast, I feel like just entered highschool, but just a few months again I'm leaving it. And I didn't really put my feelings on the fun parts, I only think about unnecessary things and it sure wasted my time. Now how to get the fun in the last bits? I've been so galau last night and today when I prayed I found the answer. Another life quotes of mine now, "Being LIVE is being productive and innovative." Why do I live if I make nothing? And I really don't want to just pass the last bits of my high school. You know, in school I had a weird freaky company called Cherry Berry, which is a noise factory in class, and a group of dramaqueens. And we're dreaming much these days.
Here are some of our plans:
- Make a video cover for Cherry Belle - Dilemma
- Making an acoustic version of Cherry Belle - Dilemma
- Produce a "sinetron", a real talk and a comedy one
And we have to make it happen! We had the woods, and we just need the fire to light it. I'm hoping I could be pumped to make this happen.. Cherry Berry (God, I'm getting sick of saying this name. haha Feels like I wanna throw my face somewhere.) is the company of mine along the last high school moments, and I'm producing much with them! Yeah.

Here are some of our experimental videos.






Oh yeah, I've been uploading my dance videos with O4 to YouTube too. There's still more and I will upload later.
ReinhardGouw's Channel

By the way I'm selling clothes and sneakers, and I will upload the photos later to a new facebook online shop. Wish me luck for this shop. :)

Really, when we pray anything can happen. Honestly, I've been away from prayer conversations for some times, then when I got back, I had this being productive thought, which is nice and makes my life more worth living. This way I believe, I will be an inspiration and blessing for others someday. Sometimes when we pray we feel nothing or nothing happens but let's believe that there's the time for everything. Maybe not now, but tomorrow. Maybe not tomorrow, but the day after. We don't know. But always believe that the prayer doesn't go for nothing. He listens to each one of the words from our heart. The distance between you and God is only as short as prayer.

It's been about 5 days and I don't want the sweets to end before I wrote this down. And now I'm getting this done! Actually I need to sleep early to cook some energy for a new week. But the thing about a writer like me is, I can only write when the feeling is strong enough.

PD Team Discipleship is an annual event by the senior PD Team. And this year, I'm one of the ones. So, me and Zhenita got to coordinate and arrange for outbond, and so we did. And some of us went to Pacet back and forth, twice. To look for the right place and to go surveying for the outbond sites. Narwastu is chosen, and we had some fun around the steepy woods and hills. Then the day before the H day, we simulated for the outbonds on the wide grasses in front of Carolus.

















And until that day of simulation, I was still feeling that I wasn't ready for the day. It's like stepping on a hung bridge without knowing its strength. Maybe I lack of motivation.

Then the day finally come! Wow. I wasn't ready at my best to face the 3 days of being a nice and right committee. But what could I have done. Trip with a crazy elf and finally Narwastu.
The place feels nice and really natural. And I was starting to act like a committee.

















Nice, right? LOL. Though I still lack of motivation that time. I only knew that I had to enjoy my committee life and get along with the sessions. But then, the first session already hit me. Then the other sessions hit me. Every session hit me. Every worships were a huge hurricane in me, and I hadn't felt it in a very long time.. I remembered last year when there's also PD Team Fellowship 2011, and everything changed me but then I got lost again and things changed back to the way it was.. It was stupid how I couldn't keep the fire in me. All along the sessions here I was getting pieces of words from the previous years..and was wondering how I could forget those boosters.

So what I got along these 3 days trip were vital things for my LIFE.
I got to know that God never left me, no matter how much I sinned to Him. Being fake, mingling with porn and dirty things, letting the "underground side" of me active, dirty and wicked minds, arrogance.. You know, I promised to God that I would stop sinning the same sin maybe a thousand times already, making commitments and things, then I always failed my words. How I played with His feelings.. A sin is a whip on Him. So how many times have I whipped Him? And I know each of my whip was harder for Him than the previous..
I thought my life was done for, that I lived carelessly and aimlessly. I thought it was too late. But here I was told that He doesn't care what binds I am in, God is always ready to hug me when I run to Him. 'Cause He's crazily in love with me. He came to this world not to accuse us, but to save us. Mehn, then I realize that He's too kind, too kind.. And that I was so foolishly foolish to fail Him thousand times.. I'm glad to know that He still waits for me. Really glad.

Then I got to meet Him. It's not by vision, but somehow I felt Him. I felt that He was in me. When the preacher (Ce Valen) told us to search for His vision for each of us, I asked Him "What is it Lord, what is it that You want with my life? Is my life still worth Your vision? Just tell me Lord what You want me to be." Then I had this thought of being a good father for my kid, loving and teaching Him to be a good boy and not being like "me", then blessing other people in my workplace by introducing God to their life. Then I was wondering, was it from Him? Then I asked "Are You here, Lord?" And I felt some kind of wave of kindness down my spine. Then I asked again, "Are You really here? Really here?" Then the short wave came again! God! He was there, though when it's the third time and I asked "Really? Really Lord? Is this really You??" There's no more like a short wave, but I think the first and the second counts. I believe, He was there. :) Like when He taught me things when I watched Narnia or some other things..I felt that He was there. My God was there for me. :)

Then that night we are around campfire, we wrote the bad things we want to throw away. The campfire was hot, that Ce Valen told us that hell is a lot hotter than this. So we wanna be open to Him, throw our sins, our bad worldly things that made us distant from Him, in the fire. Then I thought, "This is the start of my new life. Not the 17th birthday that means I'm mature enough and things. This night I will throw this here." Then I wrote the things that had been haunting my life, including the bad originality of me, and I threw it into the fire..Let them burn in hell, and let my soul be with God. I'm free! I am free! :)



In the last morning, Ce Valen had been telling us so many things about what happened to her life and how Jesus worked in it. And it's awesome. So many horrible thing happened, and it was not just horrible, it's really horrible but God gave her the strength and He changed her life. It was so blessing to hear her life journey with God, and I believe I will have a great journey with Him too. Somehow in the night where the vision searching went, I was also asked in the heart "Will you face bad even horrible things so that your life can be a blessing story for other people, for Me?" I only say "If it's with You, Lord. I will. Anything, as long as You're beside me and strengthen me up." Let Him send me, anywhere. Let me be ready 'cause He's by my side..

The last thing I wanna tell you about this discipleship is that I enjoyed being there with all the committees, the new PD Teams and everyone. Thank God they were there, and I was glad to cry in the presence of God with them, to feel His love together, and that this will not be a mere trip, this will be one of the life-changing moment along my journey! Like the life-changing moment when I managed to slide down the Alladin pole in the committee's room!!! (just kidding!) HAHAHA I felt like a jungle boy then. Here are the pictures















You know, life journey is short. Do you really wanna live to just live? No, for me I don't want to. I want my life to be a blessing, in more general words, to be useful and improving for others. And for that, I'm putting my life in His hand and let Him work on me for His purpose. I believe, His plan is a lot better than my plan, and that I will have a greater adventure with Him. No matter what happens, as long as there's Him, I believe my life will be more than a blessing. Not for me, but for other people, for His love to the them.. I'm gonna seek for Him like a precious jewel, and to give up I'd be a fool. Even if sometimes prayer feels dry, I believe that He always listens and that someday things will be really beautiful..

They say that it's near the end of the world. And you start to feel that there's not much to do left.
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Corinthians 13:8
We don't know whether the prophecies these days are happening or not. What we need to know and assure is that His love is always with us, and the fire of it never dies in us.
Never give up, my brothers and sisters. Seek for Him and never stop, believe that He's always listening, put your life in His hands. Live everyday its best, and never forget that He's always there, always.
I'm not a perfect and maybe not the person fit to write this, but I just wanna share with you what I got, let's try together, to be closer and closer to Him and be a good children.
God bless you. :)

These days to go to sleep early is not really on the things-i-want-to-do list. Since the mid-semester test started I always sleep late and never any early. Last week was the craziest one 'cause everyday I went home late night. After school-PD Team meeting-science lesson-practice/workshop-home. Always like that and my body was screwed up. haha But it's a great week also because of the G12ACE event on Saturday-Sunday. It's the first time GPS is out to public, last Saturday. We hope to meet more opportunities soon! But maybe not for me? Taking a break in the senior year. What I said in the previous year. So be it.

This week was a week where I focused on school. School and the friends. High school is ending soon and I feel like I'm not ready. Everything just feels too fast. I feel like I haven't done this and that, so much things I couldn't catch up. Sometimes I was too busy dancing, or loving, or anything and forgetting to enjoy my high school life. And now a little regret.

So as you can see, this blog's background has turned black, even blackier. Black is more me. Yeah. A little no lead intermezzo. Anyway watch my YouTube channel to see videos of O4 Crew (my school dance crew since 2010) and enjoy! --> Click.

You know, yesterday I watched Final Destination 5 and it brought up something to me. Yeah, the movie gave me chills, a bad chill about death. How will my death be? Well everyone dies someday. You, me, every single human. Will it be hurt or scary or what? I don't actually have to be concerned about that. But thinking about death gave me a hit about life. I only live ONCE. And I realize that there's too much stupid and useless things that I've done. I mean, sometimes I know they're useless but there's not a strong force inside me to cut the rope and move the other way. And if I live like a badass and die, and go to hell and suffer more killing and more massacre for me, no, I don't want my life to end like that. So I had this little passion of starting to struggle to give my best, be a great person to bless people, closer to God, and live everyday like it's the end of the world.. This kind of passion is fragile and it easily subsides. But yeah..talkin' 'bout one chance of living..mehn. We should really try to make it the best one, or nothing at all.

How is love going for me? It's going well. Means: I'm starting to be more able and able to forget that person. I think I had enough and spent my whole high school thinking and daydreaming about that person. Yeah, we had stories but when I see it through it's a weird and too fairytale-ish story which is not really good 'cause I get this thought sometimes that we were only playing and trying to structure our own feeling and everything and that we can't do at all with each others' busy activities and arghh you know that I can't have you with me with an attitude of you that drives me crazy although it isn't right now 'cause my feeling for you isn't really happening anymore and things started to get normal which is nice and so that means the end of the line for us!!!! *INHALES*
Not funny.

Finally I made a 100%(uhh..90?) choice that I'm taking Communication Faculty next year for my university life. It's gonna be Petra Christian University. Unless there's a kind and daring and "supporting" university which provide a better Communication Faculty in other place. I will reconsider and discuss with my family. What makes me a traitor here is that I'm entering Petra but I'm promoting UC to everyone! Yeah, I actually like UC better because of their entrepreneur program, which will lead many young entrepreneur to build Indonesia more to a developed country. And that they build great soul of business for their students. But bad thing is they don't provide a Communication Faculty for me! :( I could take Psychology Faculty but I can learn from books sold everywhere. What's more is that they don't even pay me AT ALL for promoting and convincing my friends to enter! :(:(:( Talking about slavery.

Okay that's all I wanna throw up. Thanks. Adios.
Don't forget to clean up.

27th August was a nice day and I'm grateful that God has given such wonderful friends around.


Early morning, suddenly my lovely siblings came in my room with birthday hat on, brought a candle-lit cake with a smiling face on it and sang the birthday song for me. It's the O4 Crew! And just as wonderful as that, they made my day when I thought it'll be plain. They gave me this great frame of our claydolls, made from our photo we took before the Petra Parade. It's absolutely meaningful for me! Then they told me to wear the hat all day in school with the miss universe-like tag, and drove me to school with shoutouts along the way. That was fun!  I thank you guys. A lot. :)







Then at school there's Ubaya University exhibition and I walked around with the attributes on. The guys made me took photo in every stall of Ubaya with the pose of a marketing. Then after walking around for some time, Hana came and told me about Myra. Along the week Myra acted strange and ignored me because when she lost her cellphone, she found it in my bag. And not just that, I got in some troubles with some of my other friends and felt like the week's a nasty one. So Hana came and fired me up about Myra. Then I said I didn't care. So I walked back to the center of the stalls where Myra came and we had some arguments and all eyes were there. So I just made it clear that I didn't know any single thing about his cellphone and it's up to her what she thinks about me after this. The argument continues and suddenly a cake from behind.. So the complete troubles along the week was their made up! Mehn it's good when I knew and it's wonderful that they care for me by this! :) Love you guys.

I feel like I'm not ready, like it's all too fast. The stage where I was still a kid, a teenager, now going youth who's gotta focus on the future. Everything's passed. And now going to the next stage of life after a long time..feels anxious. Tomorrow's the day!

I remember how things change for me, a damn lot of things. How I passed those self-shy, no friends, nerd, freak, the emo thing, the stupid love, the harajuku freak, korean, being crazy a-go-go, learning how to perform on a stage, everything. And the things that God changed for me that I will always remember: How He made me a lot of friends from no friends at all, how He made me dance.

I was a nerd and I couldn't believe that I'd have a lot of friends, dream that was. But suddenly how things change and how I feel odd when I look back now.. "How??" Such a change happened, and it's such an amazing change from You. I am grateful to have lots of great friends, from different backgrounds. They're all great and without them I won't be me right now. Thank you for everyone who's been a friend of mine. And I hope that I will be rebonded with old close friends.. Hoping to have more ahead! :)

Dance, the one precious thing He gave me. I don't know how will my teenage life be without dancing. I never wanna be ordinary. And given dance, is one of what made me feel extraordinary. Stepping to learn dance, entered AOG Crew, and now learning as a member of G-Center Perfect Squad.. I hope I will always have the passion to dance, and give my best for Him. 'Cause one thing dance has taught me.. "It's not about being the best, it's about giving the best of you."

Family. I will make you proud, mom and dad, and sis. Having me as one of your family member.. I may hurt your feeling sometimes, and I'm sorry. I will always try to be a better and better son and brother. I will make you happy, someday I will. I believe and I have faith that I'm born to be great! Everyone does. :)

My life will be harder and wilder ahead! One thing that determines the feeling of the ride is me. And let the Lord lead the way. Thanks, teenage me for these nice years.. And I'm getting old. How will my next journey be? Let's have a look.

SMILE for a CHANGE. :)

Years since the last time I updated this blog! You know, I moved to an apartment since my home was being renovated, and there's no internet connection there so I can't do the update thing.. Lots of things happened, a damn lot of thing happened during my absence here. The DBL Competition, The Big Groove 2011, the jobs, the performances, the class farewell, the love story, everything! And it'll be too much to update in one night, so let me just post the pics.

DBL DANCE COMPETITION 2011



We advanced to Top 10, but didn't pass to Big 5 like last year. But for a week practice, it's already awesome, right? Thank God! :)

The Big Groove 2011
Now this is the brag zone. Sorries! Take a look

Street rats.













With the B-FABS!




















 Loving my new class!!!

So that's about all of it. Not all, but quite enough.