Reinhard Gouw's Journal

I named 2015 The Year of Defiance. Sounds somewhat like my Year of Rebel in 2013, but well.

The resolutions made for this year are:

1. Less Gadget, More Earth.
By the end of last year I thought to myself that technology slash social media is one huge thing that prevents human nowadays to achieve mindfulness. How can we achieve mindfulness when we put half of our life inside social media? I remember when I was a kid, there was not even Friendster, and I enjoyed my life to the fullest. As I grew up with social media, day by day I enjoy life inside it more than the real world. Then I thought, maybe I should try something new for my life. I want my life back here, outside my gadgets. Just then, maybe I can achieve mindfulness. The small move is by not using gadget while walking, driving or doing something else. I will only use gadget in urgency, when I got nothing to do, or when I needed time to lay low a little.

2. Do One Thing that Scares Me, Everyday.
The mightbe of the key to living life to the fullest. This is similar to my 2013 resolution: fight my guilt. Upgraded this year. Whenever I want to do something that sounds terrific to me, but too shy or too anything to, I will force myself to do it. THIS is my year of defiance. I defy myself, I break those walls. If it's terrific, it's GOT TO HAPPEN.

3. Achieve Personal Financial Income.
I used to earn money from my parents (which is a shame, look at my age and Merry Riana's age when she struggled to get her 1000 bucks), or just from dance jobs with team (or scholarship, last year). So YES! I'm opening myself to my personal financial freedom. Let's start something to make those bucks. I am so inspired by Merry Riana The Movie, by the way. Don't laugh. I even watched the movie on New Year's Eve Day just to get some resolutions out of it. You should watch too.

Well, that's that.

I also started to think more about my future. The future SCARES me. A lot. I don't know when I'm gonna die. All I know is I don't wanna die nothing. I wanna die leaving something that the world remembers.

So I should start doing things differently from now on. Get up, run , smash doors, hit people face-on, and defy everything inside me that prevents me from making my mark in this big world. I am the one to control my whole life. No negativity in can stand in my way. LET THE DEFIANCE BEGIN.

Halo semuanya.
Selamat Tahun Baru 2015!

Semoga tahun ini dapat menjadi tahun yang luar biasa bagi kita semua. Sebuah awal bagi perubahan. Sebuah awal bagi sesuatu yang besar dalam kehidupan kita.

Saya menulis post kali ini dalam Bahasa Indonesia karena beberapa alasan. Pendek cerita, saya merasa penggunaan bahasa dalam blog ini perlu dipertimbangkan. Sebenarnya sembari menulis, saya pun sedang bertanya kepada beberapa teman perihal pemilihan Bahasa ini. Saya harap, post ini juga dapat menjadi bahan pertimbangan yang baru.

Di awal tahun 2015 ini, saya ingin memulai terlebih dahulu dengan memberi proper introduction yang belum pernah saya lakukan sebelumnya mengenai blog ini, mengenai saya.

Ini adalah tahun ketujuh saya dalam menulis blog.

Blog ini, LIFE, ink., lahir pada 2 Juni 2009. Ketika itu saya akan memasuki SMA. Sebenarnya, nama "LIFE ink" adalah nama yang sangat random. Saya tidak pernah memikirkan dengan matang arti dari nama tersebut. Entah mengapa meski demikian, saya tidak pernah mengubah namanya. Saya pribadi sangat menyukai istilah "Life". Mengucapkan kata "Life" selalu memberikan sebuah getaran kecil bagi saya. Bagaimana dengan "Ink"? Saya benar-benar tidak tahu. Baru sampai pertengahan akhir tahun lalu, saya memikirkan dengan matang makna dari nama tersebut. Anda bisa melihatnya di sisi kanan dari blog ini.

"The term "life" is fancy to some people. Some take it as an unavoidable process, some think it's just an avoidable cycle.

For me,
Life is more than just a living and dying cycle. We exist in this world just like a bottle of ink. Everyone is a unique color, existing with their own special purpose. The journey of life is a chance to color with that ink. To make our mark in this world. To make ourselves live forever.

This is my life ink."

Begitulah maknanya. Ketika menyadarinya, seketika saya bersyukur nama inilah yang tercipta. Meskipun secara acak, ternyata pada akhirnya dapat menjadi sangat berarti bagi saya.

Bila diminta menggambarkan lebih jelas definisi tersebut, saya akan menggunakan video ini:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKAmujgS4mo
Saya tidak ingin mati begitu saja. Saya ingin hidup selamanya di dunia ini dengan mengeluarkan apa yang saya punya. Saya ingin menumpahkan warna saya. Saya tidak ingin mati dengan botol tinta yang masih tertutup.

Hal-hal yang saya tuliskan dalam blog ini awalnya banyak berupa curhatan saya yang masih sangat teramat alay dan labil (bacalah post pertama saya disini, jangan tertawa ataupun jijik), lalu mulai mengenai pelajaran-pelajaran hidup yang ingin saya bagikan, pelampiasan emosi, kembali lagi mengenai pelajaran yang saya dapatkan dari kehidupan, kontemplasi, dan seterusnya.

Sebenarnya, sejak kecil saya senang menulis. Saya menulis diary sejak SD. Setiap. Hari. Ketika itu yang saya pikirkan hanyalah bagaimana ketika tua nanti saya ingin dapat mengingat seluruh jejak kehidupan saya. Pada kelas 5 SD, saya pun memiliki sebuah dus setinggi dada saya yang berisi semua hal yang bermakna saat itu. Belahan uang seribu yang menjadi tanda persahabatan saya dengan teman saya (untung tidak tertangkap polisi karena merusak uang), buku yang saya biasa bawa ke sekolah untuk diisi "geng" saya, dan barang-barang konyol lainnya. Saya berniat menyimpannya sampai tua. Hal yang terpenting saat itu untuk saya adalah memori. Saya tidak mau melupakan detil sekecil apapun dari masa kecil saya. (Sayangnya, pada akhirnya semua buku diary dan dus tersebut dibuang oleh mama saya. haha)

Sampai saat ini pun, saya masih terkadang menulis dalam buku jurnal. Saya tidak ingin menyebutnya "diary" lagi karena saya tidak menulisnya setiap hari. haha. Dalam buku tersebut, saya menuliskan hal-hal yang tidak dapat saya tuangkan ke blog ini; semacam pemikiran-pemikiran personal saya. Sampai saat ini, saya memiliki 5 tumpuk buku yang berbeda dan belum penuh yang berisi tulisan saya. haha.

Saya pun tidak tahu mengapa dan apa yang membuat saya mulai menulis. Ibu, ayah, dan kakak perempuan saya bukan merupakan manusia "drama" seperti saya. haha. Mereka jauh dari sosok kontemplasi, pemikiran dalam, dan kegalauan. Mereka menghadapi kehidupan langsung pada tempatnya, tidak membawanya dalam-dalam ke pikiran.

Who would've thought we survived this far? We thought 2012 was the end of the earth. We even watched the movie. And here we are in the dawn of 2015. We survived, still breathing.

Speaking of surviving, these days have gloomy vibe since the tragedy of AirAsia plane. Some bodies have been found but #whatifthereisstillhope? People started saying rest in peace to everyone, I started to send my deep condolences to the victim. But really, there might be just a little spark of hope in this accident. Here are some craziest history of survivors in sea (as the accident happened around the area of sea) http://listverse.com/2012/02/16/top-10-sea-survivors/, maybe you'd like to checkout.. That's how strong human instinct is to survive. Maybe there are miracles like this. As long as the families and friends don't give up, maybe we should not put their hopes down. Hope can be the only thing making humans go on in their times of misery.

That's my say about QZ8501.
 

2014 has been a nice ride.
Here are some of my trackbacks of 2014, based on my Instagram Kaleidoscope:

TRIPS
1, Lombok (January)
2. Bandung (February)
3. Bangkok (March)
4. Jakarta (May)
5. Singapore (May)
6. Bali (December)
7. Batu allover the year (My family has a little house there)

FIRST TIME IN LIFE
1. Stepped foot in Lombok
2. Went holiday abroad completely with my own saving
3. Went to Bangkok without my family
4. Surgery (tonsillectomy)
5. Became a member of Student Council
6. Became an event president (UC Art Night and Charity)
7. Hung out with high school uniform after graduate
8. Stepped foot in Pantai Goa Cina
9. Participated in election
10. Having '2' as the head of my age
11. Reunion with AOG crew
12. Got a fresh money scholarship
13. Dyed my hair obvious green
14. Dyed my hair obvious purple
15. Dyed my hair myself

ACHIEVEMENTS
- GPA 3.86 in semester 4 (back up from 3.58, praise The Lord!)
- GPA 3.66 in semester 5 :(
- Inaugurated as a member of Student Council UC
- Joined Last Minute Street Crew
- Pembangunan Jaya Scholarship
- Invented a newborn event
- Ticked one of the year's resolution: "better relationship with people close to me" :)
- Changed my hair color (yes I am proud of it)
- Realizing some crazy shit about being 20 and still being haunted

The most notable moments were UC Art Night and Charity 2014 and succeeding in the resolution "better relationship with people close to me".

UC Art Night and Charity made me feel "content" as a human because I created something out of myself. I also worked so hard with the committees in the event, even in holiday. To be honest, I had no real holiday at all that time. haha. The others were having the longest holiday in history: 3 months. We didn't have the chance. But a friend of mine said that productivity is one of the vital trait of being alive. In the end, everything was worth it. :) I was motivated to create something more in the future.

Better relationship? Mom, dad, my sister. And the bigger family. I storytelled before about my emotion-problem in my house. I managed to handle it. This December, just after I was free from semester 5, I started to rewire myself to spend more time with them, and take deep breaths a lot before reacting to every "trigger". haha. I managed to smile a lot with them and enjoy every moments. It also became a lesson of mindfulness for me, as I try to relish every moment that I can spend with them. I was also able to overcome my awkwardness toward my bigger family. I was surprised myself that I didn't put that much hatred into the moment and even enjoyed it. Maybe it's called growing up.

I also closed a love book. It was not a regret. It was a nice new adventure after all those years without touching this aspect of live. I would like to say thank you to someone who played part in it. I hope we can find our own better and more wonderful book ahead of us.

Shameful to admit, I failed in other resolutions:
1. Be a major life learner again (I was forgetting this throughout the year)
2. Achieve mindfulness (still learning about) and self-control (total failure)
I am continuing these two in this year.

Thank you, Lord for this year of blessing.