Reinhard Gouw's Journal

Monday, April 16th 2018 |

They may seem like a regular couple. But what intrigued me was the fact that Chella Man is actually a trans male. Honestly, I've never known any trans male before, only trans female. And it surprised me since Chella had these super masculine features. His physical build, his voice, his gestures, everything is just 100% male that I didn't realize his gender until my friend told me the fact.

Little Chella has always been dysphoric about her gender and her body since she was only a kid. His mom explained it too well in a letter to Chella that Chella asked her to write. If you are homophobic or transphobic, try and cure yourself with this video. This video mesmerized me. How great the amount of love a mother can contain. We'll never know.

From the letter we can understand the struggles of him through his journey and his mom. How painful a gender dysphoria can be for someone and their family. How beautiful her love throughout that journey. Just..wow. Look how happy he is with his body now. :)

Sometimes being open minded can make you seem like you have double standard. Or worse, two-faced.

This past few months, some of my closest friends who are couples were hitting rough path in their relationship. Being an open mind that I am, I try to be neutral. For me, no one is completely right nor completely wrong. No one is the bad side and none is the good side. I don't really fancy that game. And even if, it is 99% someone's fault. I don't side with the other one. I don't choose sides. Yes, I might support the other one to take action and save themselves, but no. I never side with anyone. At least not when it doesn't come to abuse or harm.

To sum it up, personally for me my close friends' relationship is only a part of their life, and they are in complete control of it. I never see my friend as "their relationship". People just have their own ways of handling relationship and that means their relationship doesn't define them. So yes, even when I loathe someone's attitude in a relationship, I never loathe them as a human, moreover when it comes to the people close to me. So yes, I would still be close with everyone even though I don't support their relationship.

Apparently. In the midst of these relationship dramas (yes, there are more than one couple :) ) I'm standing between, there's a party who started thinking that I'm two-faced and actually siding with their partner. And started shitting on me with avoidance, cold shoulders and stuffs. At first, I tried to think positively, that it was just a bad day. But this person kept doing it after a few days.

At times, I thought I should reflect and be bolder with the sides I was on. But no, I don't wanna be that person. I am bold enough with my gray area. I won't be black or white just because someone wants me to. And if losing a good friend was the risk of it then so be it. It just means that they aren't grown enough to deal with the complexity of social relations. That's it. I don't wanna have to ask for friendship. If you can't afford it, then begone. 

It's been a long time since I wrote about friendship. haha. But I feel like I just want to let it out because it's been bugging me. The way people behave are just weird.