Half of 2017 has passed. In the past 6 months, I've learned many things, especially in the past month. One of them is that you can't have everything at once.
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| Art by Joan Columbus |
Be it choosing what to eat at a food court to what career path you should take. I start to realize that I can't have everything I want all at once. Many times, I am faced with choices and decisions. It's hard for me to make up what to choose, especially since I'm also a psychology graduate with gray area that covers most of my mind. For me, everything is good and bad at the same time. So most of the time, I opt to do my best to make every choices graspable.
When I was still studying, my mom and my best friends used to tell me, "Don't take everything all at once! You'll die.", yes they were joking. They were actually tired looking at an always tired me (explains my eyebags now haha) because I always say yes to everything. Every project, every friends asking me out, every holiday plans, every errand, just everything. Well, I improved a lot in saying no actually. But that mindset is still there.
Look at me now. I'm in a productive working age. But I never want to let go of my dance at all. I even tell myself that if I apply for work and it restricts my time for dance, I will opt out. haha. I also plan to keep dancing while studying and working, later if my scholarship application got accepted. haha. I guess your personality stays, even just in tiniest form of piece, no matter how hard you try to repress or change them.
I'm coming to a realization that someday I'll have to choose. Because when I try to do and have everything all at once, it will not have the best outcome for everything and everyone. I will not have the proper focus needed to give my best in everything, because I am too busy spreading my energy. And to be honest with myself, it is tiring. I loved the fact that I have a decent skill to multitask but it's starting to get old.
I guess it doesn't only happen in these technical matters, but also in romance too. You can't have everyone all at once. You can't have two people at once just because you're afraid to lose one of them. Every person has their own qualities, but you have to choose one you will make a pact with. One who's ready to be your partner, who matches your capacity for love, and who grows with you. And if you can't choose, don't bother spending time with both of them just to give it a try. When you try to have them both, you might lose one of them in the process not knowing whether they're the one and even ended up losing them both. Because it hurts to be a second option or even an unclear option.
Now I know that it's okay to have heartbreak just for the better. Whether the heartbreak of being honest to someone and hurt them for the better or the heartbreak of letting go. Quoting from Elena Gilbert: "This life will be good and beautiful but not without heartbreak." Because sometimes, pain is the sign that we are truly living. And to remind us to be grateful for the things we used to take for granted. In pain comes learning.
And that's why we shouldn't be afraid to choose something or someone and take the painful step to to let go of some other things. Because somehow, things or people that you let go will find a way on their own. The universe doesn't stop working. We just have to have the courage to be strong and make our own choices as long as it's intended for the better, and let everything fall in place.
At least that's what I'm learning.
