It's been about 5 days and I don't want the sweets to end before I wrote this down. And now I'm getting this done! Actually I need to sleep early to cook some energy for a new week. But the thing about a writer like me is, I can only write when the feeling is strong enough.

PD Team Discipleship is an annual event by the senior PD Team. And this year, I'm one of the ones. So, me and Zhenita got to coordinate and arrange for outbond, and so we did. And some of us went to Pacet back and forth, twice. To look for the right place and to go surveying for the outbond sites. Narwastu is chosen, and we had some fun around the steepy woods and hills. Then the day before the H day, we simulated for the outbonds on the wide grasses in front of Carolus.

And until that day of simulation, I was still feeling that I wasn't ready for the day. It's like stepping on a hung bridge without knowing its strength. Maybe I lack of motivation.

Then the day finally come! Wow. I wasn't ready at my best to face the 3 days of being a nice and right committee. But what could I have done. Trip with a crazy elf and finally Narwastu.
The place feels nice and really natural. And I was starting to act like a committee.

















Nice, right? LOL. Though I still lack of motivation that time. I only knew that I had to enjoy my committee life and get along with the sessions. But then, the first session already hit me. Then the other sessions hit me. Every session hit me. Every worships were a huge hurricane in me, and I hadn't felt it in a very long time.. I remembered last year when there's also PD Team Fellowship 2011, and everything changed me but then I got lost again and things changed back to the way it was.. It was stupid how I couldn't keep the fire in me. All along the sessions here I was getting pieces of words from the previous years..and was wondering how I could forget those boosters.

So what I got along these 3 days trip were vital things for my LIFE.
I got to know that God never left me, no matter how much I sinned to Him. Being fake, mingling with porn and dirty things, letting the "underground side" of me active, dirty and wicked minds, arrogance.. You know, I promised to God that I would stop sinning the same sin maybe a thousand times already, making commitments and things, then I always failed my words. How I played with His feelings.. A sin is a whip on Him. So how many times have I whipped Him? And I know each of my whip was harder for Him than the previous..
I thought my life was done for, that I lived carelessly and aimlessly. I thought it was too late. But here I was told that He doesn't care what binds I am in, God is always ready to hug me when I run to Him. 'Cause He's crazily in love with me. He came to this world not to accuse us, but to save us. Mehn, then I realize that He's too kind, too kind.. And that I was so foolishly foolish to fail Him thousand times.. I'm glad to know that He still waits for me. Really glad.

Then I got to meet Him. It's not by vision, but somehow I felt Him. I felt that He was in me. When the preacher (Ce Valen) told us to search for His vision for each of us, I asked Him "What is it Lord, what is it that You want with my life? Is my life still worth Your vision? Just tell me Lord what You want me to be." Then I had this thought of being a good father for my kid, loving and teaching Him to be a good boy and not being like "me", then blessing other people in my workplace by introducing God to their life. Then I was wondering, was it from Him? Then I asked "Are You here, Lord?" And I felt some kind of wave of kindness down my spine. Then I asked again, "Are You really here? Really here?" Then the short wave came again! God! He was there, though when it's the third time and I asked "Really? Really Lord? Is this really You??" There's no more like a short wave, but I think the first and the second counts. I believe, He was there. :) Like when He taught me things when I watched Narnia or some other things..I felt that He was there. My God was there for me. :)

Then that night we are around campfire, we wrote the bad things we want to throw away. The campfire was hot, that Ce Valen told us that hell is a lot hotter than this. So we wanna be open to Him, throw our sins, our bad worldly things that made us distant from Him, in the fire. Then I thought, "This is the start of my new life. Not the 17th birthday that means I'm mature enough and things. This night I will throw this here." Then I wrote the things that had been haunting my life, including the bad originality of me, and I threw it into the fire..Let them burn in hell, and let my soul be with God. I'm free! I am free! :)



In the last morning, Ce Valen had been telling us so many things about what happened to her life and how Jesus worked in it. And it's awesome. So many horrible thing happened, and it was not just horrible, it's really horrible but God gave her the strength and He changed her life. It was so blessing to hear her life journey with God, and I believe I will have a great journey with Him too. Somehow in the night where the vision searching went, I was also asked in the heart "Will you face bad even horrible things so that your life can be a blessing story for other people, for Me?" I only say "If it's with You, Lord. I will. Anything, as long as You're beside me and strengthen me up." Let Him send me, anywhere. Let me be ready 'cause He's by my side..

The last thing I wanna tell you about this discipleship is that I enjoyed being there with all the committees, the new PD Teams and everyone. Thank God they were there, and I was glad to cry in the presence of God with them, to feel His love together, and that this will not be a mere trip, this will be one of the life-changing moment along my journey! Like the life-changing moment when I managed to slide down the Alladin pole in the committee's room!!! (just kidding!) HAHAHA I felt like a jungle boy then. Here are the pictures















You know, life journey is short. Do you really wanna live to just live? No, for me I don't want to. I want my life to be a blessing, in more general words, to be useful and improving for others. And for that, I'm putting my life in His hand and let Him work on me for His purpose. I believe, His plan is a lot better than my plan, and that I will have a greater adventure with Him. No matter what happens, as long as there's Him, I believe my life will be more than a blessing. Not for me, but for other people, for His love to the them.. I'm gonna seek for Him like a precious jewel, and to give up I'd be a fool. Even if sometimes prayer feels dry, I believe that He always listens and that someday things will be really beautiful..

They say that it's near the end of the world. And you start to feel that there's not much to do left.
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." - 1 Corinthians 13:8
We don't know whether the prophecies these days are happening or not. What we need to know and assure is that His love is always with us, and the fire of it never dies in us.
Never give up, my brothers and sisters. Seek for Him and never stop, believe that He's always listening, put your life in His hands. Live everyday its best, and never forget that He's always there, always.
I'm not a perfect and maybe not the person fit to write this, but I just wanna share with you what I got, let's try together, to be closer and closer to Him and be a good children.
God bless you. :)