This is gonna be a slightly a post scratching deeper about me. I'm gonna be using an other term about the story, though. Not the real term. I only share it to my close friends.

Sunday, I went to my church after a long time our family hadn't gone to church routinely. And the preacher that day really hit me. And I mean REALLY hit me. It's about me. No, the illicit side of me. (Illicit is kinda high word in English, and I'm using this to make the post cooler! haha just search on dictionary.) Yes, I sat there inside the parishes, with my mom and dad and my sis beside me, who knows about this side of me, only a little but it's super enough to make me feel so awkward. I never felt that so awkward before in church. 'Cause the "race" that the preacher was preaching about to all the parishes, is about my "race".

Suppose I'm a vampire. (Wow, too much watching TVD?) As a human, I should eat proper human foods, but I'd rather drink human blood. I can still eat human foods though, but now I still can't get any starter to it. My urges still kills me to eat human blood. And it's what I've been fighting all this time. I fall, get up, nearly fall, hardly getting up. Sometimes, back then, I thought maybe it's my line. Maybe this is what I should be walking on. But the preacher kinda convinced me, that this is not anyone of this race's line. It's not even a race.

Maybe I have the urges, the huge temptation to drink human blood. But it's not in my gen. No one's born with this race, neither turned into it and stay there forever. It's only mind and flesh urges, that is created through some past experience and most of it is lonely or thrown away feeling. Get my memories back years ago and it matched the criteria. Anyone in this race can fight it. Fight the strong urges and try to neutralize the mind and heart. The preacher said that it's better not to eat anything for the rest of my life than to drink human blood. (This is in my language/fancy term, the preacher didn't really say anything about human blood, really. haha) Drink human blood and and life will be screwed.
He also said that the world is now conditioning to make this "vampirism" normal. That everybody starts seeing it like a normal thing. And it's really getting huge amount of people into it.. Almost everywhere, almost in every community, there's this vampire. You can't pass a day without meeting one. Even the closest friend of yours, even the people who laughs beside you everyday.

And there's really an "underground" crowd for that. That only we can see the nets. There's mass amount of these "vampires" in this city. Active or not.

I can't deny that I'm one of them, and I'm trying to fight the urges. You know, it's hard to reject yourself, a side of you. Removing a part of you that's actually a mindset.. Fighting your own flesh and nature. Some of us, even one of my closest ones surrendered to this nature. I'm not going to. I'm fighting this. I still fall sometimes, but I believe the time will come for me to meet the urges of eating human foods. Like in TVD, they train their self to fight the urges, and subsiding it, and they finally can. Unless when they let their self gaze the blood for too long. Like the preacher said, if you get a glimpse of this blood, you should just look away. Gaze it too long, messed up.

The urges give us comfortable feeling, 'cause it seems like accepting ourself and living our life the way it is. But it's not like that, it means living an underground life and why should live underground if you can fly high? It's hard, but hard isn't impossible. We human search for our comfortable grounds, but as we try to get up and run..someday we'll meet our targets. Believe that we're not born this way and that things will turn beautifully if we fight enough. He will later give the best for us if we try our hardest to run from this dark nature. I'm not over this urges, I'm just sharing what I believe to you guys.

To some of you, who I believe understands what this term 'vampirism' implies here and experiencing it. Let's fight together and I believe that we can change. Don't wanna live being this vampire. Chase the right life track, and live to the fullest. The only real life we could find is through Him, not through being our full self with the illicit side. Good luck. :)