I'm a human.
I'm not a machine.

I started to realize how tiring life is when you have so many aspects of life to maintain.

I've been restless.
In week 3 of my recovery post-surgery, I've been forcing myself to dance. Other than that, student council matters. No more urgent tasks in those aspects, but now I'm occupied with piling final exam works.
When will I be able to rest my body?
I'm not feeling well at all. Other than the queasy feeling in my stomach that comes and goes, the raw throat that seems to having a hard time to leave, weird ear blocks, headaches, and all the unknown indications that started to make me feel guilty for not resting back then.

Other than that, I start to have psychological issues. Like the regret that comes and goes about a project,  the fact that I still have cousin-issues, attitude problem, and all mess that happened these days. I randomly think about this life and how I feel like I'm walking in a drama that I'm leaving 2 years from now as a free human that should be able to survive on my own, and how it becomes burden since I started thinking how would I face that if I have no preparations like the current condition and if I'm gonna prepare, how?

I'm tired of being perfect. I'm tired of having a strong pride that doesn't want myself to look even just a little imperfect in front of everyone. I'm tired of not being able to put it down a little and just chill. I'm tired to have to prepare this stupid english exam well in spite of the fact that I don't want to be chosen for the incoming competition, but I also don't want my score to be bad. I'm tired of NOT BEING ABLE TO JUST BREAK DOWN AND LET MYSELF DO IT BAD. I'm tired of being perfect, I really do.

I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of sleeping late at night. I'm tired of realizing that I am an individual, a single human that has to survive on his own in times like this.

I'm tired.