Hi. Can't believe it's April already. I broke one of my promises this year; to write at least 1 post/month. I remembered posting something on February but I guess I didn't.

Well, hello April. It's been a busy year.
I signed out of my previous office and became a manager of Last Minute Street Crew, my own dance crew. It's been fun and hard at the same time, since I'm inside of the crew. I need to detach myself from subjectivity, sometimes family orientation, step back and take a look at my own community from the outside. Talent management is a new thing for me so I'm still stumbling here and there.

Sometimes I have a fear of saying things and speaking up because I used to become a regular member and now having to manage them. I sometimes hold myself back because I don't want to be so bossy especially when some of the members are older than me. But I'm trying to just be Reinhard and say what I have to say. It's my job anyway.

Speaking of fear, I think I haven't shared about an amazing experience that I had in Bali back in January. I went to Secret Garden with BDC. It's a recreational place full of beautiful waterfalls which also has these spots for cliffjumping. They have 2m, 5m, 10m, 15m. I had my first cliffjump back in Sungai Oyo near Jogjakarta, it was a 12m cliff. And I had planned to jump off these cliffs to improve my record.

Jumping off a regular cliff was easy. But jumping off a cliff precisely beside a waterfall is a whole different level. You can see rocks beneath where you're standing, along with plants. Moreover, the rock where you're standing, the one to jump from is damp since it's beside a waterfall. What always came to my mind was "what if I don't jump far enough and hit these things?".  It's not funny to slip and hit those things and fall with bloody head. Other than that, there's also fear of falling down the wrong way because it can get really hurt.

5m. Somewhat nervous at first but quite an easy warm up. Then we moved to 2m. Another child's play. 10m. Where it got kinda hard because the thought of risks started to appear. Not many of my friends dared enough to try, only me and MP. It was scary, but we jumped anyway. Ticked these boxes of Secret Garden cliff list.

Then the time finally came for the biggest challenge. 15m. You can literally see the tall waterfall stream hurling down swiftly. One wrong step and it can get really ugly. I hesitated at first. I kept asking MP if we were sure about this. Then I thought, I've been feeling dead for some time. What's wrong with doing a deadly thing with a chance to make me feel alive? We only live once, anyway.

That wasn't enough to make me jump. The fear kept creeping from my feet, through my back and spine. It was a little slippery. And jumping with wrong step still can get really wrong. Initiating the jump was really hard. But I remembered a quote "When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump. Otherwise, you're going to stay at the same place your whole life." And finally. I steped my feet steadily on the edge, and did the leap. It was the craziest moment of my life. And I could hear myself repeatedly saying "fuck what have I just done" in my head, but it happened anyway. We did it.

It wasn't a nice fall. That question in my head made me unconsciously put my hands on my head and didn't focus on my landing posture. I landed ass-first on the water and the splash was like a piercing pain through your butt. I couldn't move at all and only depended on the waterfall stream to take me to the shore. But while feeling the pain, I smiled. It was the best small decision I've ever made in my life. And when me and MP looked back to the top of the waterfall, all we could say was like "FUCK DID WE REALLY DO THAT" and swore we wouldn't do it the second time. hahaha

I learned a valuable lesson that day. That when fear starts creeping in, you should not wait any longer to do the thing you should do. The longer you take looking at how tall the waterfall is, how risky and dangerous it is to jump from that slippery step, how you can slip hit rocks, the smaller chance you have of doing the leap. Over-analyzing the risks and situation might stop you from doing the best leap of your life. The hardest part was not the whole cliffjumping itself, it was initiating the jump. But after that, you'll be surprised with yourself and smile. The realization that you're bigger than your fear was priceless.

That's how I started my year. And it's a beautiful way to start the year.

I still have a lot to share, so please wait up! Ah, it is good to be back writing again. It helps me see myself in a bigger picture and makes me feel grateful. You wouldn't believe this is 5.30 in the morning and I'm writing from a nice hotel in Banjarmasin. I will tell you the story later! :)