Question I often ask in my life: "Then what?"
I can have all the happy moments, but along, inside I often question "then what"? After some happy events, then what? Everything is going to be back to normal. It's not a nice thing to ask. When you're having a happy moment, you shouldn't think about the ending. In fact, you shouldn't think of anything else and be inside the moment. It ruins when you're being in the other end of the moment. You won't ever enjoy any fun moments coming to your life. It's one of the learning process, how to live a maximized life.

Actually it's not a right time to post for me 'cause tomorrow I'm having two tests and I haven't studied anything! haha. But don't know why, I'm having the feeling and I wanna do a little heart-to-heart here. Hope it won't waste your online time.

Lately past the weeks, I've been wondering of this high school life. I know it's my senior year and that it's gonna end just shortly. Now back to the "then what" question, me and my friends are gonna separate to different universities and even some are going out of city or out of country. I can't imagine how we will be slowly getting further. Not only my closest friends, but the other friends, the ones I've been with since the first day I entered school. (I'm in a school which is beside my junior high school, my elementary, and my kindergarten, so a lot of friends since kindergarten are still in the same school.) I've been seeing them all my life, all in about my 14 years of living. In almost 80% of my days I see them. And now we're going to separate. It's like losing something you never really pay attention to. Gah, this is dramatic. haha! But it's true, I feel a little sad. Especially when I was with my elementary-junior high school best friend the other day, I remembered how we used to chat in the phone every night, how she always do a heart-to-heart and cried, and that we promised we would be couples when we're grown ups. haha! It's funny and now we're not even close. I miss her. Suddenly I miss our friendship. And not just her, seeing everyone grown up and seeing the change from when we were little to this time. Wow. I've been walking about 14 years with them for real! And I just noticed them and started valuing them in some little random times in my mind. We're really going to separate, and I don't know how world is without seeing them. My world is going to change, university life is coming.

In other side, I just wondered. How is it that the people closest to you don't really understand you?
One fact about me: I have a side of me that I never tell anything from. Most people see me as a loud and a go-have-fun guy. But they never really see this one side of me that I always spilled on a notebook, or in blank posts like this. Even the closest people don't see it. I have closest friends along the days, the ones that's been laughing with me at school everyday, as well as hangout friends. They never expect any other side of me than what they've been seeing most of the time. A fact with a little flashback story. I am actually a silent person, I don't really like to talk much. But now I do because of the experience of being bullied back in the days. One of my closest friend who knows me well said that maybe I'm not supposed to be a loud person, it's just what I do to make people around me stay. I consider it kinda right, 'cause a mentor has told me similar thing, the wanna make people stay thing. But somehow I enjoy being this loud person when it's not too much. So I consider it another part of me. The problem is, even some of my closest friends who's with me everyday, straightaway, don't really know that I'm a thinker and only know me as a loud guy who never really cares about craps of the world. It's a little disappointment for me, the real fact that these people are not really my closest friend, they're only the people I have fun with. Will these people stay around along time?

One thing that I know is that God is The One who knows me the best, 'cause He's The One who created me. And sometimes when I pray I said "God, You're the one who knows me better than anyone elses." and it calms me down. I know that I have to be close to Him to know myself better. I'm grateful for what He made me, and for His watch along my life. I want to be what He want me to be. I'm not perfect, and pitifully a bad sinner but He still blesses upon my life and plans perfect future for me.. Really a kind and amazing God. Thank You, just for loving me.

One last thing, the day before yesterday I just found some photos of my latest birthday and I got to feel so grateful that I have these friends along my life. Maybe closest, maybe not. It's not the thing. The thing is, they cared about me and it's a wonderful thing to know. It's a valuable thing of high school that's gonna stay for the rest of my life. :)

Now I've finished posting a heart-to-heart post girls usually do. Then what?