I've been through a whole crazy month and it's been a big burden all the time. Moving house, car crash, stolen phone, and many more that I don't need to mention. I'm not seeking pity or anything, I just want to spill. Honestly, I've been trying hard to cope. I never faced something like this before, but I think I've been handling well enough. At least I still can get a hold of myself and maintain my sanity.

Today I learned that happiness can be consumed by adaptation. And that the adaptation will eventually lead to deprivation. It means that human will feel less and less happier for one thing by time. I think this explains the way I get bored of birthdays, the way I feel bored with even my most favorite things, and mostly the way that I feel that every happiness lasts for awhile and that they will pass.

There's still a lot of things worrying me, but I think I can handle it. Like I always does.
Well, sometimes being a tough person is tiring. In fact, I don't even know if I really am tough or it's just me and what I want to show people. I don't care for now. Having a complex self is really exhausting. You have to figure out which one is you and which one is not. In my case, you also have to when you are used to pleasing everyone. Sometimes, I'm afraid I would lose my sanity. Losing myself to the things I'm not.

I know this is kinda lame, but at times I find myself questioning who I really am. They see me as that loud and hyper guy, while I still find myself in those sudden-contemplation times. I am A, B, C, D, and anything I need to be in certain places. I realize that I change myself a lot to fit in, as a result to my past. I also realize that I pursue achievements in order to impress. Impress people and impress myself, so that I won't feel that I can't do anything. So that I won't lose my self-esteem like I did several years ago as a wallflower. It is tiring.
But I can't seem to find out anything to do about it so I guess I should reconsider that being constantly changing alphabets isn't too bad, at least for now?