Maybe I told you this story before.

Junior high school came. I was that guy who had style. I can wear outfit well. The only problem was fat. I was a fat boy. So now you can call me fat fag. (Okay..)

I was playing cool since the start of junior high school. So yes, I still wouldn't talk and get connected if no one tries to do so to me. Well I have someone from another elementary school liking me since the start of 7th grade so I felt like I was the type who everybody wanted to know about. And I was, for some time. Female seniors started pinching my cheeks because I was cute, and maybe furry. But then something happened. I was having kind of a romance life with this girl since 6th grade. I was still in one class with her in 7th grade. Then a boy, a big and bossy boy  from another elementary school suddenly had this crush on her. One day, I had sports time with his class and he started looking for someone named Reinhard Budiman. I introduced myself to him. We became friends. I was proud because I was friends with one of the naughtiest boy in school. Because naughty equals popular that time. But somehow, everything changed when he saw me talking to one of my girl friend. Then he started saying that I looked like fag. The bullying started.

Every time we passed each other, he always shouted "woy bencong!" That happened every time. As time went on, the bullying got worse. His friends started to do the same thing. And his friends was quite the gang. I was shouted at every time I passed through corridors. I was always afraid to just go out of my class and go to canteen. Talking about canteen, high school boys also bullied me. I remembered sitting alone at some point eating my instant noodle when a high school boy suddenly sat on my table with his friends asking me to buy him one. Luckily, his girl friend rescued me. Other than that, because of the fact that as the bullying went on, I was turning more and more silent and antisocial, other naughty(s) started to bully me also. I was strangled, choked upon the walls. Those scary threatening faces, those shoutings.

In the middle of that social drama, I didn't have anyone to talk to. Well, I had a cat named pussy (maybe it's named after myself back then. lol.) A street cat who came to my house everyday. After the whole horrible day of school, I always spend my time in front of my house playing with it. Until my mom threw it away someplace far away because it eventually made trouble. Speaking of mom.

I never told my mom, nor my dad, nor my sister about the bullying and the scary days I had in school. Maybe I was embarrassed back then. Maybe I was too shy about the fact that I acted like girls. Maybe I didn't want them to be embarrassed  because of me because of how my cousin told them to educate me. So I never told them. Besides, that time my mom and dad had a heavy quarrel. So my family was kind of troublesome back then. My mom was sad all the time, my dad was a killer and I was afraid of him. My sister was a rebel and naughty kind of girl with boyfriend, not really a best sister material anymore. (Thank God it's a wonderful home right now). So I had literally no one to share. Not my parents, not my sister, not my 0 friends, not my goneaway cat. No one. I tried to survive on my own and somehow I did.

The turning point of my life was when my prayers and cradle got answered. God gave me dance and I started to have self-esteem, optimism, hope, friends, everything, Maybe some of you have read a post or two about this story in this blog back then. I'm not gonna dwell much in the matter now.

(to be continued)