It feels awkward to just walk in to walk out.
To just cross the street and pass by.
I shouldn't have started it the first time. Maybe I'm just re-tied to the old fact we've been trying to bury. Scratching it up again was a mistake. That must be why I start to act like it still exists.
I've been burying and digging up again and again on the same place. When I thought it's buried for good I scratch it again before it is even done, and so horribly easy, it surfaces again. And now why is it even harder to bury again?
The real fact to be known is that nothing is ever here. And nothing is nothing at all.
This has to be the last one. And I beg myself, not to scratch anymore and just leave.

I can hardly differ emotions and nature anymore. Been fighting inside me and I can't act based on one of them; I'm affected by both of them. And I hate the truth that I FEEL. I hate it even more since pitifully, I know that I've always been the only side who's been struggling in this alone. I don't want to feel. Feeling weakens human. Ironically, turning feelings off changes me to someone I never wanted to be. But at least it teaches me to be tough. Like it's always been.
I'm going back to harden a little more in that pathway. The pathway where most words are just words, most scenes are just scenes, dramas are just dramas.
NO FEELING. No bonding.
Until it's right.