These days I've been having some epic dreams.
One of the dreams is about the 'vampirism'. And the feeling was so strong for half of the day. So the story is about a sudden vampire show-up as a stranger, but suddenly ends up in my house dining with me and my sister. My sister didn't like that vampire and shoo the vampire away. And the vampire, in some sweet way, asked me to be its prey. And day by day passed inside that dream, I kept thinking about answering the vampire's offer. You know, actually these days I've been feeling so lonely and I feel like I want someone. Not just someone, but 'someone'. And answering that vampire's offer could give me what I want. But no, all along the dream I tried to resist my feeling and didn't answer to the offer 'cause I know it's a wrong way to satisfy this feeling. So in the end, I didn't answer 'till I woke up. But along the day I felt a little blue, a little part of me felt disappointed that I didn't answer, that it's just a dream and why won't I let myself fulfill the urges even if it's just in my dream.

Not just some dreams, I've been thinking of how people sees me. I might think that I'm nice enough as a person, kind enough, right enough. But what if what I think all along is wrong? Arrogance. That's one thing I'm always afraid of, 'cause I'm very capable of arrogance. Sometimes I wonder if, and I said 'if', my closest friends honestly have something to say concerning my personality. I wonder what they say to each other when I'm not around, like we usually talk about other friends. Right? We usually discuss some good or bad things about another close friends, but seldom realize that they can do the same too. I wonder if they would tell me in some way, 'cause I need to see my ugly side and change it to be a better guy. I don't know why I'm having this thought, but I wanna know how every of my closest people sees me.

Today I went to my ex's favorite place. I actually didn't wanna go there 'cause I don't wanna hit the chance of ex-encountering but I went there anyway. And gladly we didn't met. Actually days ago when I looked at one of my friend's following on Twitter, I accidentally found that my friend is following my ex. I was startled. Yeah, every single time I see the name or the picture, I'm still startled. Why is it so hard to overcome this startle thing in spite of the fact that I'm over the relationship? Then when I'm picking up my sister, I strolled around the campus. I didn't wanna stroll too much 'cause there's a chance we could meet. When I was strolling, I gazed around the place and realized that it's almost a year to that event, Petra Parade where we reconciled and I gained my temporary happiness back. It's so fast. And now we don't even know each other. I'm glad that I didn't choose to go to this university. Really glad. But another little part of me, again, misses this university 'cause it was my desired university and it holds so much happy memories with a lot of people. It feels like home to be there even though I never really go there much. And now I'm going to a stranger's university, I haven't feel the feeling of home in this university. But I won't let this feeling back me down, 'cause I wanna believe that I'm going to have a great time in this alien university. haha.

It's March, eh? Already? One and a half month and high school will come to an end. *exhales* *tries to smile* hahaha. I know I shouldn't think much about it. Just enjoy and embrace these wonderful moments, right? :) This stage of life was wonderful all along and it should be wonderful 'till the last drop. UNAS is waiting and I'm not ready at all in this state. Hurrahh! Fight. I have to pass this damn thing.

And still right now, I feel so lonely. Like 2NE1's song "Lonely" that I've been playing a lot. (I'm starting to fan KPOP -_- embarrassing. I even downloaded some videos.)

Oh God! I have so much to spill here. I've been thinking and dreaming a lot. You know, sometimes the thoughts are just in and out randomly. I hardly have my mind clear and feels like my head's suffocating with all the thoughts, all the damn tests, and my little business.
I want a week off. A week off in a stranded island with great beach, a huge beautiful lake, a field of fresh green grasses, and even a desert will do! Anything but in a city with to-do-lists everyday.
I can be very hyper and jumpy sometimes so I'll swallow these kinds of place.