I defeated time.
I sipped some blood after a long long time.
In a different way, not in a villain way. It felt like I missed the taste of blood, I was desperate for it. I resisted not to drink the vein empty. I don't want to ruin everything normal that's been kept. I was dehydrated to best, and the blood was nice and fulfilling, at least for a while. After a really long time, I finally felt alive.
Just then, it suddenly got me thinking a lot.
I know it's the pseudo "alive". There were so much questions popping out to my head last night. Got me exhausted and distressed.
Drinking the blood, even in control just felt like it makes me thirst even more. It's like drinking salt water, you keep thirsting and thirsting for more until it finally kills you along with the salt. Who said I didn't know? From the beginning I knew blood is poisonous. It's just that now I'm freer to be a vampire, and I feel like I'm a villain now. I'm not that good guy again. And yet what if I started to feel something for the prey I just drink from? No. It can't happen. But the prey let me sip blood in about normal dose, and I realize that I'm starting to feel that it's ideal for me.
While on the other side, another prey who I used to drink from, came unexpectedly and I just didn't know how to respond. I said that it's better if we keep it the way it is. I'm still confused about myself. I don't wanna go too left or too right. I wan't and I don't wanna be a vampire in the same time.

You know what, I wish everything about this, blood, preys, would just fade away. I have a lot more important things to think about. And I know I have to start looking for the right animal blood to drink from. Why should I be a vampire in the first time? And how did it get inside my idealism? I feel so messed up. I wish I could just escape far away and start new. Forget everything and everyone, begin again.

*I am NOT an actual vampire or anything, and I'm not a freaky vampire-wannabe. "Vampire", "blood", and everything are just the substitutions I use for the matter since a long time. Vampire isn't always about Breaking Dawn.