"Hello world, hope you're listening. Forgive me if I'm young, for speaking out of turn."

Feet crossed, breeze around, freedom bracelets on my left hand, and a little time to write down.
Perfect moment in these busy weeks.

I should've been digging my creativity for an audition, but I decided to back down. I think it's not the field I should be in anymore, at least for this moment. It's the first time I start to try and see a bigger picture of me, a few years in front of me.

Since the start of this year I've been listening to lectures, speeches, and all the paragraphs telling me to find and be myself, and start planning who and what I will be years in front.
People look to me as a planner, always ready and prepared, and that I am all set for the future.
To be honest, I don't know.

The path way in front is all blurry.
All I know is I wanna be an inspiration. I want to create an impact. I want to change the way youth think of themselves and live. I want them to find who they are, live who they are, and rebel against other people's prejudice. But the current fact is that I haven't even know how to complete those tasks myself. haha
It leaves my future hanging.
I don't know.

I also often realize that I can't quite differ my personas (masks in psychology, what you put on when you're with certain people) and my real self.
I don't know.

Other than this blurry future thing, I have another thing that bugs me.
Sometimes, I get this jealousy of watching other people's success that shows that they are better than me. It happens even towards my closest friends. Especially when I already trusted myself that I'm better in that thing. When they actually did it better, I would lose my self-efficacy.
I think I expected myself too high. And seeing others too low.

I should start to draw a certain line or two for the future.
At least I need to start moving towards it, not running aimlessly like this.