This week has been a really busy school week. Tests (most of them are science subjects), assignments, etc. I missed a lot when I was sick. And I did all of them this week, considering a peaceful mind for the Jakarta trip. I did all the tests decently. Well, I thought I wouldn't pass them well but actually I did. It's all thanks to Him. :) Everytime I go through hard times in school, He always helps me understand the subjects and do the tests well. Yet, I've been a jerk this week.

You know, feels like everyday I was struggling to take control of myself, to find my real personality. I've been these crazy and loud guy, but sometimes I kinda feel guilty to myself if I gone too wild. This other part of me, the silent person feels bad when I go that way. So I start to keep myself calm and silent in class, ignoring my loud partners. Trying to maintain a calm and gentle me. And what's bad, it turns me into this mad person. I just hate when people come around and ask "Are you ok?" or "What happened?". I don't answer those questions. It's just me. Me and the other side of me, the silent me, which is still me. Not that anything happened. I really wanted them to just go and buzz off my life everytime those questions appear. And I know it's wrong, maybe. I still need more time and I need to know myself more.. The problem with the mirror thing. I still can't do freestyle well facing mirrors. Maybe these problems are connected somehow. People say I have two-personality disorder. Well maybe I really do. Gotta get down to the matter fast and I should seek me, seek myself.. It's hard just being me. "Be yourself" is not that simple. Might be the hardest thing you could ever do in teen age.

Focusing on searching me, I've been closer to my friends in class. That's the good news. The bad(or horrible) news: I let loose of the real self-control I've been struggling for. And I..fell again. Not only once this week. I feel so dumb. I thought I had hatred and grudges for it, how could I do that again? I'm so pissed with myself, and I really don't know how to get myself back healed. Now I'm just trying to forget and live my life again, trying to keep those things aside. And I hope that I succeed.. Tomorrow the short holiday's starting, should keep my mood up and enjoy it! :)

I've been watching the next episodes of The Vampire Diaries, downloaded it from the net! My new friend Zendy told me how to. Well the series accompanied me through the dark days. It inspires me, how to be calmer. How to be more gentle. Nice, actually. :) Plus, Katherine's aura and Caroline's smile just make me fall in love. Haha.. So why don't Elena and Stefan write diaries anymore? They only did in the first series and inspired me to keep playing writer. hmm

In school, some attractions pull me over. "Blush on" and things. That's not really good. Well, the feeling's good but..rather life threatening. Forget it. Haha ;p

Done packing. Hope that I'll find interesting things and my mood can play nice. ;) I've been restless these days. Tired. And I REALLY NEED a place to rest my head. Then I hope everything will get back to normal.. I want my normal life, and my normal self.
JAKARTA, I'm coming for you! :)